Is This How You Want to Spend Your Life?

Thereโ€™s one thing in life we all know thatโ€™s absolutely guaranteed: ๐ข๐ญโ€™๐ฌ ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ ๐จ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐จ ๐ž๐ง๐.

๐šˆ๐š˜๐šžโ€™๐š›๐šŽ ๐š‘๐šŽ๐š›๐šŽ...
...๐šŠ๐š—๐š ๐š๐š‘๐šŽ๐š— ๐šข๐š˜๐šžโ€™๐š›๐šŽ ๐š—๐š˜๐š.

Within a second, your life will flash before your eyes. ๐˜ˆ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ช๐˜ต. ๐˜ˆ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ. ๐—š๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฒ. Itโ€™s finished with nothing more to add, nothing more to say. Your story completely written to the very last page and to the very last word.

Truism I sit with frequently. It serves as a loving punch to be present and live more full.

A reminder that forces me out of my suffering. To leave the places that hurt me. To be intentional with how I spend each moment of my existence. To be aware of the thoughts I believe and the ones I should relinquish. To be choosey about where I spend my energy. To be picky about the people I surround myself with. To stop ruminating on things that donโ€™t matter and stressing about the future.

๐—ง๐—ผ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ, ๐™ฃ๐™ค๐™ฌ.

Life is beautiful and itโ€™s short. Take full advantage of it while you have it, because itโ€™s all over, ๐˜ซ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต.

Ask yourself today: ๐™ธ๐šœ ๐š๐š‘๐š’๐šœ ๐š‘๐š˜๐š  ๐™ธ ๐š ๐šŠ๐š—๐š ๐š๐š˜ ๐šœ๐š™๐šŽ๐š—๐š ๐š–๐šข ๐š˜๐š—๐šŽ ๐š™๐š›๐šŽ๐šŒ๐š’๐š˜๐šž๐šœ ๐š•๐š’๐š๐šŽ?

Being Judged for Eating Healthy

Oooh, Iโ€™m sorry. Did eating this, offend you?

Show of hands if youโ€™ve ever received criticism from friends or family for eating healthier? ๐Ÿ™‹โ€โ™€๏ธ

โ€œ๐™พ๐š‘, ๐š•๐š˜๐š˜๐š” ๐šŠ๐š ๐šข๐š˜๐šž ๐š๐š›๐šข๐š’๐š—๐š ๐š๐š˜ ๐š‹๐šŽ ๐šŠ๐š•๐š• ๐š‘๐šŽ๐šŠ๐š•๐š๐š‘๐šข.โ€
โ€œ๐™ฒ๐š˜๐š–๐šŽ ๐š˜๐š—. ๐™น๐šž๐šœ๐š ๐š‘๐šŠ๐šŸ๐šŽ ๐šŠ ๐š‹๐š’๐š๐šŽ.โ€
โ€œ๐™ด๐šŠ๐š ๐šŠ ๐š‹๐šž๐š›๐š๐šŽ๐š›.โ€
โ€œ๐™ธ ๐š๐š˜๐š›๐š๐š˜๐š ๐šข๐š˜๐šžโ€™๐š›๐šŽ ๐š˜๐š— ๐šŠ ๐š๐š’๐šŽ๐š ๐šŠ๐š—๐š ๐šŒ๐šŠ๐š—โ€™๐š ๐šŽ๐šŠ๐š.โ€

They single you out and judge you because youโ€™re choosing to make empowered choices for your body. ๐‹๐Ž๐‹. Like, ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ take care of yourself. Thatโ€™s sooooooo weird.

How fucked. Am I right?

I totally get how uncomfortable this feels, especially if youโ€™re in the very beginning stages of making mindful choices. The constant nit-picking creates pressure making you second guess and can leave you feeling embarrassed.

Donโ€™t let it, boo. Youโ€™re taking care of yourself and you should never feel guilty or ashamed for doing so.

Their judgements and criticism is about them, not about you. Youโ€™re a mirror reflecting something back to them that they donโ€™t want to face. Itโ€™s showing them an insecurity and bringing up their own stuff about self-care. Deep down, theyโ€™re upset with themselves for failing to take responsibility of their own health.

But instead of making changesโ€”like you areโ€”they try to drag you down with them, so they project on you.

Nonetheless, even with that awareness, itโ€™s annoying and frustrating. So, here are some responses to help navigate the situation with more ease:

>> โ€œIโ€™m not hungry, but thank you for offering.โ€
>> โ€œThis way of eating really works for me and I feel great, so Iโ€™m gunna keep doing it.โ€œ
>> โ€œI donโ€™t judge you for what you put in your body, so why do you feel the need to judge me?โ€
>> โ€œYeah...youโ€™re right. How dare I take care of my body, thatโ€™s sooooo weird.โ€
>> โ€œThe food I put in my body doesnโ€™t effect you, so Iโ€™m not really sure why you care? You should probably unpack whatever it is thatโ€™s coming up for you and figure out why my dietary choices upset you so much.

^^ (The last part is optional, but I like to be a passive aggressive bitch sometimes ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ).

Cheers to taking care of yourself and forgetting about what others have to say about it.

XX

Devi

Being Single

When I visited Colorado last month, I realized as I spontaneously booked my flight a week in advance, I didnโ€™t have to tell anyone I was leaving.

I could just book it without anyoneโ€™s permission (not that itโ€™s needed, but inside a relationship, out of respect some sort of conversation should be had).

It was the first time, in a long time, I traveled while being single. And that thought kept coming up for me throughout the entirety of the trip.

I didnโ€™t have to tell anyone I was leaving.
I didnโ€™t have to let anyone know I got in safe.
I didnโ€™t have to tell anyone what I was doing or who I was doing it with.
I didnโ€™t have to checkin with someone throughout the course of the day or at the end of the night.
I didnโ€™t even need to tell someone, hey Iโ€™m home now.

I could do it all without thinking about someone else and that feeling crystallized so much for me.

As someone who was always in a relationship, I felt a sense of freedom I havenโ€™t experienced in a very long time.

I could do whatever I wanted, when I wanted it, without considering how it would effect someone elseโ€™s feelings.

And that felt really good.

Then, it occurred to me, all this time I was afraid of being single, because being singleโ€”to meโ€”meant all these empty spaces.

But, looking through an optimistic lens, those empty spaces really just leave more room for freedom. To maybe do stuff I didnโ€™t have time for in a relationship. To try new things. To pick up new hobbies. To spend more time focusing on me and what *I* wanted to do.

Being single ultimately gives you a different taste of freedom and more time to discover who you are and what you wantโ€”externally of someone else. And thatโ€™s a beautiful thing.

#PerspectiveShift #SingleLife #ItsAGreatLife
#Freedom

Five Ways to Improve Your Masturbation Game

Happy National Mastฯ…rbation Month! ๐Ÿ’ฆ Here are five tips to up your mastฯ…rbation game:

>> ๐‘๐ž๐ฅ๐ž๐š๐ฌ๐ž ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ž๐ฑ๐ฉ๐ž๐œ๐ญ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ: pleasure doesnโ€™t exist with pressure. Many of us put tooo much focus on reaching the ever-so-famous-orgฮฑsm, which can often deter us from even reaching it. If you donโ€™t experience an orgฮฑsm, itโ€™s cool, itโ€™s fine, and it isnโ€™t a failed experience.

Letโ€™s reframe that way of thinking, because pleasure feels good, regardless. And when we heavily focus on this destination point, it detracts from the enjoyment of the journey.

>> ๐†๐ž๐ญ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ก๐ž๐š๐, ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐›๐จ๐๐ฒ: focus on your senses, your breath, and how the pleasure makes you feelโ€”not how you look, if itโ€™s weird (itโ€™s not), or the tasks you have to do tomorrow.

Be present. Whenever your mind races else where, come back to your breath.

>> ๐‹๐ž๐ญ ๐ ๐จ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ก๐จ๐ฐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ค ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฌ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐ ๐จ ๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ง: thereโ€™s no โ€œright wayโ€ to mastฯ…rbate. Every women touches herself differently and requires different things. To discover what feels best for you, itโ€™ll take exploration and trail & error.

Sex with Emily stated it perfectly, your vฯ…lva is like an Rubikโ€™s cube. It takes time to figure out.

>> ๐„๐ฑ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐จ๐ซ๐ž ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐š๐ซ๐ญ๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐›๐จ๐๐ฒ: donโ€™t just touch your vฯ…lva, touch all of you. Seduce yourself, and touch yourself the way youโ€™d want a partner to touch you.

>> ๐”๐ฌ๐ž ๐ญ๐จ๐ฒ๐ฌ: you donโ€™t ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ toys, but it does enhance your experience. My favorite toy company is Lelo.


Takeaway: explore, experiment, and most importantly, have fun ๐Ÿคช

Your favorite slut,

Devi

Dealing With Rejection While Dating

Iโ€™ve been going on a lot of dates recently and with that, Iโ€™ve received rejection. Quite a bit, if Iโ€™m being honest.

And it hasnโ€™t bothered me. Not even a little.

In fact, I expect it. Not in a self-deprecating way, but in a way where Iโ€™m completely aware that I donโ€™t offer what most want: a monogamous relationship.

Currently, Iโ€™m not looking for something serious or exclusive. Iโ€™m down for something consistent, yet casual, ๐˜ช๐˜ง I like you. But nothing more.

Furthermore, if my feelings do changeโ€”and I gravitate toward wanting a relationshipโ€”I still identify as mostly non-monogamous. Some people donโ€™t want that, and thatโ€™s okay. But I do, and thatโ€™s also okay.

Rejection is nothing more than, โ€œ๐™ท๐šŽ๐šข, ๐™ธ ๐š ๐šŠ๐š—๐š ๐šœ๐š˜๐š–๐šŽ๐š๐š‘๐š’๐š—๐š ๐š๐š’๐š๐š๐šŽ๐š›๐šŽ๐š—๐š ๐š๐š‘๐šŠ๐š— ๐š ๐š‘๐šŠ๐š ๐šข๐š˜๐šž ๐š ๐šŠ๐š—๐š.โ€

We donโ€™t need to take it personal, because itโ€™s not. Rejection is about them, not about you. It doesnโ€™t define you, detract from you, or make you less. It means that person wasnโ€™t for you and you werenโ€™t for them.

This is one the most important things to remember when youโ€™re going on dates. You will face rejection and not everyone is going to like you.

And thatโ€™s not a problem.

Youโ€™re not going to be the key to everyoneโ€™s lock. Some will connect with you and some wonโ€™t. Thereโ€™s even a chance youโ€™ll come across a person who strongly dislikes you. For whatever reason they do. Maybe itโ€™s because of the way you dress, the way you speak, the beliefs you hold, or they donโ€™t have a definite reasonโ€”they just donโ€™t like you.

And thatโ€™s not a problem either.

You donโ€™t need to change. Or mold. Or pretend to like, want, or be things your not.

You be you. And let everything else adjust.

Iโ€™ve said it before, and Iโ€™ll say it again (and again and again), but you donโ€™t need anyone to like you. You just need you to like you.

And when you like you, dating gets easier, relationships get easier, and so does rejection.

Because at the end of the day, you know you always have you โšก๏ธ

Jealousy is Your Best Friend

โ€œBut donโ€™t you get jealous?!โ€ A question I perpetually get asked when I bring up polyamory or non-monogamy.

The answer? Yes, sometimes I do. Iโ€™m human.

Jealousy is inevitableโ€”for all of us. It doesnโ€™t matter if youโ€™re in an open dynamic, a closed dynamic, or if youโ€™re in a relationship at all.

This is a feeling that arises for each one of us. And the problem isnโ€™t experiencing it, the problem is most of us are afraid to feel it. We dodge it, avoid it, suppress it, or...we blame the person who brought it out in us and try to control the circumstance to shut the feeling down.

Sometimes we even identify with it, โ€œIโ€™m just a jealous person.โ€

^^ No, actually youโ€™re a humanโ€”experiencing an emotion.

I want to invite you to view jealousy through a different lens, because this uncomfortable emotion is actually your friend. The type of friend who deeply cares about you, so they tell you exactly what you need to hear, and itโ€™s usually the things you donโ€™t want to hear. They donโ€™t present it wrapped up in a pretty bow, theyโ€™re blunt and straight forward and sometimes it stings. BUT. You needed to hear it.

Jealousy shows you what you need to work on or what you need to work through to help you become a more confident version of yourself. So rather than dismissing it, in all the ways you often doโ€”feel it and lean into it.

Question why itโ€™s coming up for you and take the time to understand where itโ€™s coming from and what itโ€™s trying to tell you.

The process can look like this:

Why is this coming up for me? Does this person have something I want? Do I feel like theyโ€™re better than me? Am I afraid my partner will leave me for someone else?

โ‡ฉ

Why do I feel that way? And what does that mean?

โ‡ฉ

Do I need to realize my worth? Do I need to feel more secure in myself?

OR

Does this person have something I really want? And Iโ€™m projecting because Iโ€™m actually just upset with myself for not working toward it.

โ€”

Jealousy can be used as a wake up call to finally go after what you really want OR feedback on things you need to work through internally.

Donโ€™t let the discomfort of jealousy steer you away. Itโ€™s here to help you, boo. โšก๏ธ

"Coming Out" Without a Label

Am I bisexual? A question I sat with and ruminated over for months. Coming out, for some, is easier, because they just know. For othersโ€”myself includedโ€”it takes time, because they donโ€™t know.

All I knew was that the attraction was there, but I didnโ€™t know how far that attraction went. I kissed women in the past, but kissing a woman is one thing, exploring her body is a whole other thing.

In October of 2017 I had my first experience with a woman. Instantly, it became clear to me that it wasnโ€™t just admiration, it was more.

But hereโ€™s the catch...

Three months passed by, and at this point, I knew I loved being with women (I was even in polyamorous relationship with one), but I was uncertain about what that meant.

Does this make me bi? Could I be something other than bi? Would I be with a woman romantically, if a man wasnโ€™t involved? WHAT THE FUCK DO I IDENTIFY AS?

I felt overwhelmingly frustrated and bemused which equated to hiding it. I didnโ€™t talk about my experiences...or my girlfriend.

It wasnโ€™t due to shame, it was more or so that I didnโ€™t feel comfortable claiming a label....yet. And I knew if I did talk about it, people would ask, โ€œSo are you bi?!?!โ€ โ€œAre you gay?!?โ€ โ€œWHAT ARE YOU?!?!โ€

I didnโ€™t want to be pried with questions I didnโ€™t have the answers too. So, I avoided it all together.

My then-partners told me something extremely helpful and it made my โ€œcoming outโ€ process a hell of a lot easier:

You donโ€™t need a label in order to โ€œcome outโ€ or to talk about the things that make you happy. People want black and white answers, but it isnโ€™t your job to give it to them.

So, for awhile, it was just, โ€œIโ€™m Devon and I like both men and women.โ€ If they asked for more, I just said, โ€œI donโ€™t know.โ€

^^ and thereโ€™s nothing wrong with that answer.

We get so wrapped up in labels and identities, which can create unnecessary stress, pressure, and removes the joy from the freedom of expression.

Donโ€™t let labels or meanings keep you from exploring your sexuality. Youโ€™re YOU. And whatever you do doesnโ€™t have to mean anything.

Youโ€™re more than welcome to claim a label...WHEN and IF it feels right, but youโ€™re not obligated to take that on โšก

On Taking Things Personally

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words CAN hurt me. When someone says something unkind to me or has a poor opinion of me, admittedly, it does occasionally hurt me.

Iโ€™m by no means immune to peoples spiteful words, actions, or opinions. It inflicts pain from time to time.

And thatโ€™s okay. Itโ€™s okay if someoneโ€™s words cause upset. Itโ€™s okay to say, โ€œFuck. That really hurt to hear from you, because I *do* actually care about your opinion of me.โ€

Now, while I do wholeheartedly agree itโ€™s important to operate from a place of internal validation. And, to also internalize that whatever someone says to you is a projection and a reflection of them...
...that doesnโ€™t go without saying, you can still care about external opinions and sometimes, it can actually be useful to take things personally.

I think weโ€™re doing a disservice to ourselves when we pretend it doesnโ€™t hurt and when we write everything off as โ€œitโ€™s not about me.โ€

Hereโ€™s the thing: typically, the reason peoples opinions and words hurt us is because somewhere inside us we hold it as true about ourselves...or at least used to.

Or because we just fucking care. Thatโ€™s okay, too.

But, rather than dismissing everything, I invite you to take a closer look as to WHY it does hurt you and WHY you are taking it personally.

Like I said, it can be extremely useful and an excellent tool to help with your growth and your healing.

You can see it as positive criticism, feedback, and data to help you discover what you need to work on or what you need to work through.

For example, letโ€™s say they call you out for sucking at something, this could be an opportunity for you to WORK ON it. Or maybe, they say something negative about your body, and that could be a sign you have body image insecurities you need to WORK THROUGH. Or perhaps, if youโ€™re taking everything personallyโ€”thatโ€™s a huge wake up call, saying, โ€œBaby girl, you need to work on cultivating self-confidence and start seeking more internal validation.โ€

So, yeah, it *can* be helpful. It *can* be a tool for our growth. But also, donโ€™t forget... sometimes, you do actually just need to tell someone to go fuck themselves. ๐Ÿคช๐Ÿ–คโ˜ ๏ธ

Why NOT Setting Goals is Necessary

Over the past year, I havenโ€™t tracked my macros or followed a fitness program, intentionally. Iโ€˜ve kinda sorta been in โ€œmaintenance.โ€ In other words, I still showed up to my workouts and ate mindfully, but Iโ€™ve been relaxed about it.

...sometimes a little too relaxed. And it was very much needed.

Since high school, Iโ€™ve been consistently following protocols and constantly working toward a goal: lose body fat, build muscle, gain strength. I was perpetually going from one goal to the next.

That shit gets exhausting after awhile. And to be frank, I felt a bit jaded by the monotony of it all; going to the gym, lifting shit, putting it down, plugging my food into a calculator, tracking my progressions.

So, I decided to refrain from goal setting and kinda just do whatever the fuck I felt like doing. Sometimes that meant 15 minutes workouts, other times it meant 45 minutes, and occasionally it just meant moving my body to a few songs.

Listen, you donโ€™t have to be doing and achieving all the time. Too often, we jump from task to task, goal to goal. As a result, we wind up bunt out, and yet despite our exhaustion, we continue to hustle.

I want to invite you to slow down. To do less. To just play. To have fun. To stop taking things in life so seriously, especially your damn fitness routine.

Chill the fuck out.

Slow is ok. Doing less or even nothing at all is ok. Change is ok. Being lazy is ok. In fact, itโ€™s necessary. Youโ€™re human and human bodies donโ€™t function well under loads of stress. You need rest. You need time from doing. You need space to recenter. Not just on your fitness journey, but from everything in life.

Give yourself those *mandatory* breaks. You deserve it. You need it.

To chilling the fuck out,

Devi

Getting Out of An Abusive Relationship

โ€œYouโ€™re not stuck here. Youโ€™re choosing to stay here.โ€ A rude awakening to say the least. These were the exact words I said to myself when I found myself in an abusive relationship.

We donโ€™t walk into a partnership with someone knowing theyโ€™re going to abuse us. In the beginning, even with an abuser, itโ€™s beautiful and they treat you beautifully. Being with them makes you feel like pure ecstasy is running through your body. Youโ€™re beaming with love and excitement and happiness.

But, somewhere down the line, when people get ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜บ comfortableโ€”they take off their masks. And sometimes, underneath that it isnโ€™t so pretty.

Iโ€™ve grown up watching people who are close to me be in abusive relationships. You would think I would know if I was in one. However, for the longest time, I didnโ€™t... but perhaps, thatโ€™s because it was a different type of abuse.

Many of us, including myself for a while, have this erroneous assumption that abuse is only physical. But itโ€™s not. It can be verbal and emotional.

๐’๐ข๐ ๐ง๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐š๐›๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ž ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ฅ๐ฎ๐๐ž: manipulation, control, gaslighting, intimidation, humiliation, treating you like a servant and putting most responsibilities on you, keeping you from work, making threats to hurt themself, smashing or destroying things, making you feel afraid and unsafe.

And... when do call them out, theyโ€™ll try to justify it. Theyโ€™ll minimize or deny or blame the behavior on you.

You stay, because well for starters, theyโ€™re really good at changing your mind. They change the narrative to change your mind, perpetually. But also, itโ€™s either a familiar cycle from your past or because youโ€™re in love. Because youโ€™re so far invested. Because you see changes in them, and when you see those slivers of changeโ€”it gives you hope.

Iโ€™ve been in two abusive relationships and I know how hard it is to leave. Especially when they feed you all the poetic bullshit, like: Youโ€™re the only one who gets me, understands me, knows how to show up for me. You make me feel safe, seen, and heard. Youโ€™re special. Youโ€™re not like anyone else. Iโ€™m doing my best to change and break my patterns. Please donโ€™t give up on me.

Hereโ€™s the thing: abusers say theyโ€™re going to change. And they do...for awhile, until they donโ€™t. Until they have you back in their grips, and then they repeat the same patterns and behaviors...over and over again.

Thatโ€™s how part of the cycle works.

If youโ€™re in an abusive relationship, I want you to know it doesnโ€™t mean youโ€™re weak. Youโ€™re likely a deeply compassionate and understanding individual. You feel for them and want to help them.

But also know: itโ€™s not your job to fix them, itโ€™s theirs. Their job. Their work. Their responsibility.

Youโ€™ve done enough. Youโ€™ve had enough.

Thereโ€™s a way out. I promise. Youโ€™re not stuck. Leaving is hardโ€”trust me, I knowโ€”but staying is even harder.

Please donโ€™t let them convince you otherwise. You deserve so much more than this. Thereโ€™s other options waiting for you.

You are self-sourced, independent, resourceful, and capable of taking care of yourself.

You are worth so much more than what theyโ€™ll ever give you. You deserve to be treated like the god damn queen that you are.

Youโ€™ve got this, babe. I believe in you.