Life Will Do Whatever The F*ck it Wants to You

Life will do whatever the fuck it wants to you, and sometimes those uncontrollable outcomes are undesirable.

Things are going unravel and unfold exactly the way they’re supposed to and sometimes, you’re going to fucking hate it.

You have two options:

You can either play victim and attach to the story of, “it wasn’t supposed to be this way.”

OR.

You can see these undesirable and often painful outcomes as an opportunity for growth. As a tool to learn. As the mapping to your higher, divine self.

Expansion, if you will ✨

Because maybe, just maybe these things are working for you—not against you.

Perhaps this pain, this muck, this shitty situation is just a disguise for something beautiful to flourish.

I choose option two, how about you?

Devi

The Number One Reason You Can't Lose Weight

How many times have you committed to following a program perfectly, only to find yourself starting all over again…and again…and again?

Probably a lot, right?

You’re trapped in this cycle of ending and attempting—never actually getting anywhere. Never realizing your aspirations. And you’re fucking frustrated.

“If I could just get my shit together,” you think to yourself.

^^^ but this isn’t actually the problem.

The problem: you’re convinced anything less than perfect isn’t good enough. So when you fall short of the flawless expectations, you give up and restart later.

You’re going to mess up, babe. That’s reality. But those mess-ups aren’t the problem—believing your mess ups are keeping from your goals is the problem. As a recovering perfectionist, I get this is hard to conceptualize and release. But it’s critical if you want to affect real change.

So, here are two ways you can practice breaking up with it:

1. Instead of attaching to perfect action, get obsessed with taking ANY action: messy action, imperfect action, and above all, consistent action. Show up and do the work, even when it’s far from being perfect.

A habit is, at its core, an action taken so consistently it becomes nearly automatic. When ANYTHING is executed with frequency, every individual instance adds to the aggregate, but is by itself less important.

You don’t stress out over brushing your teeth, but it’s 100% the case you sometimes half ass it—what’s important is you’ve got good dental hygiene so your teeth don’t fall out of your head.

Same thing with anything else.

2. Reward yourself every time you take action—including the messy action, and especially when you wouldn’t have done it in the past.

If you stumble home drunk and still remember to brush your teeth, give yourself a high five.

Change is ALWAYS easier with positive feedback. Rewarding yourself for doing the hard thing when it’s hardest DESERVES some recognition. Those proverbial Gold Stars add up, building momentum.

With love,

Devi

WANT TO WORK TOGETHER? APPLY HERE AND BECOME A CLIENT

Is Doing More Better for Fat Loss?

Is doing more 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 better for fat loss?

Working out more only 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 like it’s a better fat loss plan, because you’re doing more. But how many times have you tried committing to the gym six days a week, only to find yourself falling off?

You assume it’s because you can’t get your shit together, right?

It’s not that, baby girl.

It’s because you’re over-committing yourself and doing too much too soon. You wind up feeling overwhelmed because it’s impossible to maintain.

And then you give up.

Circling us back to the answer of the original question—𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫, 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫. Better is what’s most practical for YOU and what you can be consistent with.

You’re more inclined to stick to something if it’s easy for you—and consistency is the true game changer here.

So, how do you establish that?

1. If it feels like too much, take something out of the equation.

Example: if you’re trying to workout five days a week, but you’re having a hard time scheduling it all in, cut down to three or four days a week.

2. Start with one to two habits at a time and build from there.

Example: rather than trying to change everything in your diet at once, start by creating one healthy habit at a time and then add from there.

3. Be easy on yourself. No really, it’s just fitness, it’s not that serious. Stop beating yourself up about slipping up—you’re only human.

Love,

Devi

Need more guidance? Lets work together! Apply here.

Sex With The Lights On - Podcast Interview with Marie Wold

In this podcast with Marie Wold on The Grind & Be Grateful Podcast, I dive into the reasons women feel insecure in their bodies and how to overcome it. I get deep about body image, sex, and personal experiences I’ve had. Tune in to hear my story and learn tools on how to feel more confident in your body and in the bedroom.

Website: https://www.grindandbegratefulpodcast.com/

Marie’s Instagram: @MarieeWold

SHOW NOTES:

  • Who is Devon Day? (7:57)

  • Idolizing unrealistic body types (9:30)

  • Food as a form of fuel and nourishment (12:10)

  • Empowering yourself with your experiences (13:37)

  • What’s keeping us trapped in our lack of confidence and self-acceptance (14:55)

  • The stories we tell ourselves (15:25)

  • Bringing awareness to self-limiting and self-sabotaging beliefs (15:40)

  • “You don’t have to take these stories to heart, and you don’t have to let them hold power over you” … “You have the power to re-write the script” (17:05)

  • Thoughts are just thoughts (17:46)

  • “Find where your insecurity is coming from, unpack the belief, and shift the narrative” (20:20)

  • “How boring would it be if we all looked the same?” (21:50)

  • “Nobody laughs the same as us, or smiles the same as us…” (22:09)

  • The Jealousy Cycle / Comparison Game  (23:10)

  • The difference between admiration and jealousy (24:10)

  • Sex With the Lights On (25:17)

  • “So many of us let our insecurities be our identity; you have insecurities, but you aren’t your insecurities” (26:55)

  • “We are conditioned to feel insecure about our insecurities” (28:16)

  • Porn – why we should NOT use it as a too to learn about sex  (30:25)

  • Let’s Talk about sex (32:55)

  • “We all have that inner mean girl…” (33:10)

  • Normalizing our bodies (34:10)

  • Silencing the noise; – being aware of our thoughts through meditation (34:40)

  • Roles – addressing and challenging stereotypes (36:55)

  • Communicating with our partners (38:10)

  • “Vulnerability helps us connect with people even deeper…”

  • Directing and validating others (40:38)

  • Vulnerability gets easier over time (42:36)

  • “Sex doesn’t always flow so seamlessly” (44:48)

  • Where to find Devon’s Guide, Sex With the Lights On (45:45)

  • One thing Devon is currently grinding for & grateful for (46:20)

Three Perspective Shifts That will Dramatically Improve Your Life

Three perspective shifts that will dramatically improve your life and finally allow you to get the results you want:

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 >> 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Attaching to the idea you need to be perfect with every action step you take paralyzes from taking any step at all. And without taking those steps, you remain stagnant.

Of course it would be nice to perfectly execute each one of your goals, but it isn’t going to work out that way…and it doesn’t even need to.

To move forward and see results, you just have to take consistent action—even if it happens to be messy action.

Messy action might mean working out for 15 minutes instead of your planned 40 because that’s all you have time for—and guess what? It’s better than doing nothing at all, because it’s still action in the right direction.

Do something. Literally anything. Even if and when it’s messy.

𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 >> 𝐀𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐧 𝐇𝐚𝐭𝐞

If you’re running through the myriad of reasons as to why you hate something, it creates resistance making it even harder to do whatever it is.

We don’t work well when we operating from a place of hate. It leads to rebound, self-sabotage, and like I said, a fuck ton of resistance.

So, rather than heavily focusing on the pain—replace that pain with pleasure. Flip the script into something positive; find a new association and affirmation that stems from a place of love and enjoyment.

𝐒𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐬 >> 𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐬

You want it and you want it right now. So you take all the drastic measures required to get those results FAST...only to fall off. Again.

You’re trying to bite off way more than you can chew, adhere to impossible commitment, and follow guidelines that only work for an extended period of time...if that.

If you want to create lasting results, you need to drop the quick-fix mentality and follow a program set up for long-term success.

There you have it three powerful ways to improve your life and get the results you’ve always wanted ⚡️ Put them to action and watch your life drastically improve.

Devi


Interested in working together? Apply HERE and become a client.

Tears on Christmas

“𝑰𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒉𝒆’𝒔 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒆?” I think to myself. Anxiously waiting by my phone hoping to hear a ring...to hear his voice.

As the hours pass by, the hope dissipates and my answer is clear. He isn’t going to call me.

A harsh reality I have to accept every single year.

This holiday is terribly triggering. The absence of my father brings heartache and pain and resentment and frustration and all these unresolved questions I’ve been pondering for years now.

As I sit here on my very first Christmas in complete solitude—the loneliness is weighing heavy on me. Not necessarily because I’m isolated, but because there are no distractions to keep my head space preoccupied.

I’m alone and being alone opens up more space to think about him. I’m not just thinking about him calling, I’m thinking about everything that involves him. I’ve been crying on and off—which isn’t unusual for me—but it’s more tears than usual.

It really fucking hurts.

I share this because this holiday might be hard for you, too. I know there’s nothing I could possibly say to take the pain away, but I do want you to know you’re not alone.

I see you. I feel you. I understand how hard this day can be for you. It’s not going to feel okay, and that is okay. Your experience and your feelings are completely valid.

I love you. I’m here for you if you need me.

Devi

What Happened When I Entered a Polyamorous Relationship

In January of 2018, I started dating not one, but two people. I entered into a polyamorous relationship with an established couple. We became what’s a triad: a configuration in which all three of us were dating each other, equally.

The relationship was unconventional, and beautiful, and challenging. But I loved it, even the messiness of it. I loved it so much, I decided to pack my bags in Ohio—the place I lived since the day I was born—to move to NYC to live with them.

That decision set off a cascade of events. There was almost never a humdrum moment. Some of it was joyful. Some of it was painful. All of it was awakening.

I really didn’t know what I was getting into, but, I mean...do we ever? 🤷‍♀️

It worked for awhile. And then it didn’t. One person left. And then there were two. That worked awhile. And then it didn’t.

I often credit NYC for breaking me open—and don’t get me wrong, it did. But, fuck, these two people broke me open in more ways than anything in my life ever has.

When I reflect back on how I’ve changed this past year, those changes all track back to them and my decision to be with them. They were highlight and very much the center of my 2018.

They pushed me in ways I needed, including the ones I wasn’t aware I needed. They loved me so much, it made ME love me so much. They showed me the world with a different lens. And through that lens, I saw things more clearly and with greater understanding. It brought questions. And lessons. It stretched me. It transformed me.

Devon then compared to Devon now isn’t remotely the same.

She’s smarter. She’s braver. She’s stronger. She’s bisexual. She’s monoga-mish. She’s sluttier (but with strong boundaries). She’s unapologetic. She’s weirder. She’s sillier. She’s louder.

She knows what she wants and asks for it, even when trepidation sits inside her. She operates from her own agency, standing powerfully in her autonomy.

She’s shifted into an entirely new way of being—something brighter.

And so much more herself.

And fuck, she is ever grateful. I’m grateful for them and everything they brought. 2018 was a was a life altering experience and a year I’ll never forget.

Thank you 2018. I’m ready to harness this potent power, this magic, this new way of being in 2019.

Happy New Year.

Love,

Devi

How to Finally Stick to the Program and Get the Results You Want

You’re not working out, and your diet consists of convenience—things you can easily grab on the go—usually not the most nutrient dense choices.

You want to lose weight, so you look up the quickest and best way to lose it.

You immediately decide to jump on this health kick come Monday, promising yourself you’re going to abandon all your old habits.

“𝘕𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘕𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵. 𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴.”

In other words, you’re telling yourself, no more “bad” foods and I have to workout five days a week. Anything less is not enough.

After two weeks or maybe within the first week, you’re struggling. You want the pizza, you want to grab a drink with your friends, and you just don’t want to go to the gym today because work was exhausting.

You cave. You skip the workout and go to happy hour with your BFF.

Now you’re full of regret—you didn’t keep your promise because you didn’t follow the plan perfectly.

As a result, you give up, wait a couple weeks, and then try again. And again. And again.

Can you identify the problem?

(𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚝: 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎’𝚜 𝚝𝚠𝚘)

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦 #𝟏:

You’re jumping from 0-100, real quick. In other words, you’re doing too much too soon and making an impossible commitment.

𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗶𝘅 𝗶𝘁:

It should be: 𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 —> slowly cut back on “bad” habits by replacing them with habits that are aligned with your goals.

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦 #𝟐:

You have the all or nothing mentality. Being a perfectionist does nothing other than hold you back. It holds you back from taking action, from moving forward, from acknowledging your wins, and from getting to where you want to be.

The minute you slip up, you feel like you failed and start all over. But that’s what’s actually messing you up—thinking you messed up and need to restart.

𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗶𝘅 𝗶𝘁:

Consistency and adaptability drives results, not perfectionism. Be consistent at least 80-90% of the time and be adaptable when circumstances require changes.

If you’re trying to breakup with perfectionism, but you’re struggling with the breakup, let me help you. Let’s do this together.

You and me.

Let me help you through the breakup. I’ll show you how let go of the all or nothing mentality so you can finally get to where you want to be. Click the link HERE apply to work with me. After you send in an application, we will have a conversation to see what you need and how I can help you.

I can’t wait to hear from you!

Devi

APPLY HERE

Why You Shouldn't Compare Yourself

𝖧𝖨𝖦𝖧𝖫𝖨𝖦𝖧𝖳 𝖱𝖤𝖤𝖫 ➡️ 𝖡𝖤𝖧𝖨𝖭𝖣 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖲𝖢𝖤𝖭𝖤𝖲

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Social media captures only a glimpse of what someone is willing to show you, but completely abandons everything else. You don’t get to see what goes on behind closed doors.

You get to see:
A perfect life.
A perfect body.
A perfect partner.

You don’t get to see:
The disarray.
The insecurities.
The arguments.

Blemishes are concealed. And while people are completely entitled to their privacy and under no obligation to disclose the messiness of their life—it’s so easy to forget that THAT does go on.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in believing someone actually lives a perfect life when all you see is perfectionism.

And this is why self confidence feels beyond your reach—you surrender to something that doesn’t exist. As a result, you’re robbed from your confidence and your worth because you’ll always be imperfect.

But, my darling, those imperfections don’t define you—they just make you human, like the rest of us.

No one, absolutely NO ONE, has their shit together. Your life, my life, her life. It’s completely chaotic, disorganized, and flawed—even though you don’t see it.

So, be conscious of what you’re consuming. Question the realness of it. And don’t compare yourself to people’s filtered lives...or at all.

Keep doing your thang, keep doing your best. Radiate in your beauty—it’s pretty bright, you’re pretty bright and your flaws don’t dim that light.

Love,

Devi

Severing Friendships As You Evolve

Like the moon, you will transform with each phase you go through. And there will be someone in your life—someone you even consider your closest and longest friend—who will absolutely hate your transformation.

The will shame you, judge you, reject you, and tell you your new way of being is “wrong.”

But it’s not. 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵.

Different from what you once were, and that’s okay. You’re supposed to change—that’s concomitant with age, pain, lessons, experiences, and all the other various things in life that shift you.

Your beliefs, values, likes, dislikes, and views will evolve into something slightly or entirely new. And sometimes the newness will make or break a relationship, and this is a truth—a hard one—you must accept when it means the breaking of one.

Where you once both shared a profound connection—now, there’s only resentment, annoyance, conflict, and arguments due to your transition altering that.

You’re moving into a direction they don’t like or understand. And as a result, they attack you and you find yourself in defense mode or maybe even feeling guilty for something that feels right to you.

And yes, there are occasions where you both find resolution or step in a place of acceptance and all of the trouble eventually dissipates. But every so often, as I said, the relationship must come to an end.

You can’t continue or afford to hold and attach to relationships that keep you stagnant and stifle your growth. It must be severed in order to support your expansion.

So yes, as you change, sometimes that means a relationship must change, too. This is okay. It doesn’t make you wrong. It doesn’t even make them wrong. It just means you two are no longer in alignment.

Grow. Shed. Change. Evolve. It’s beautiful. It’s necessary. It’s needed.

Love,

Devi