Relationships

Give Yourself The Love and Attention You Beg From Others

โ€œ๐‘ฐ ๐’๐’๐’—๐’† ๐’š๐’๐’–. ๐‘ฐโ€™๐’Ž ๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’† ๐’‡๐’๐’“ ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐‘ฐ ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’•๐’‚๐’Œ๐’† ๐’„๐’‚๐’“๐’† ๐’๐’‡ ๐’š๐’๐’–.โ€ Words you so frequently say to others, but fail to say to yourself.

You sit there in the dark. Forgotten. Neglected. Abandon. Willing showing up for others, but never for yourself. Youโ€™re so out of touch with you that youโ€™re lost. And you expect someone else to find you, to provide for you, to fill what is hollow:

Youโ€™re in search of someone to give you:
๐™ฐ๐š๐š๐šŽ๐š—๐š๐š’๐š˜๐š—.
๐™ป๐š˜๐šŸ๐šŽ.
๐š‚๐šŽ๐šก.
๐š€๐šž๐šŠ๐š•๐š’๐š๐šข ๐š๐š’๐š–๐šŽ.
๐™ฐ๐š๐š๐š’๐š›๐š–๐š’๐š—๐š ๐š ๐š˜๐š›๐š๐šœ.

You tell them: ๐˜ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ; ๐˜ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ; ๐˜ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ, ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ, ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ; ๐˜ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถโ€™๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ; ๐˜ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜จ๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ.

You put the responsibility on others to take care of you, to love you, to supply your needs. And as a result, you become so distant from yourself, so far from seeing your worth, and come to a place that lacks fulfillment.

Your cup will remain empty, until you choose to fill it on your own. Darling, please heed my words: it is your responsibility. To fill those voids, to take initiative, and to give yourself the boundless love placed in your heart. You can and you should give yourself what youโ€™re so desperately craving. The orgasmic sex, the appreciation, the gentle words, the date night, the roses, the nourishment and the nurturing. All of it.

Your love is yours to give yourself. You are your responsibilityโ€”no one elseโ€™s. And when you fill up your own cup, others will only add and love will overflow.

Fill up your cup today, boo. Today and every day.

xx

Devi

What I Learned From an Open Relationship

๐–๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ˆ ๐ฅ๐ž๐š๐ซ๐ง๐ž๐ ๐ฐ๐ก๐ž๐ง ๐ˆ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง ๐š ๐ง๐จ๐ง-๐ฆ๐จ๐ง๐จ๐ ๐š๐ฆ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ, ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐š๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ซ๐ž๐ฅ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐ก๐ข๐ฉ:

If your partner loves someone else, it ๐˜ซ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต means they love them, too. If youโ€™re partner finds someone else attractive, it ๐˜ซ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต means they find them attractive, too. It doesnโ€™t detract from the love they have for you or the beauty they see in you.

Love is expansive. You can love multiple people.

ALL your insecurities will bubble up to the surface. Youโ€™ll even become aware of insecurities you never knew existed. Being in an open relationship doesnโ€™t mean youโ€™re immune to jealousy or youโ€™re less susceptible to feeling it. It will come up, even when you least expect it. Itโ€™s inevitable.

^^ When insecurities or jealousy arises, itโ€™s important never to judge, but seek to understand. Examine the external situation causing it, and identify the internal emotions triggering it. Dismantling these feelings will allow you to have a greater understanding of yourself.

Being jealous or insecure does not make you a jealous or insecure person. It means youโ€™re a human, having a normal emotional experience.

You must let go of the need to control the outcome and accept all possibilities.

Itโ€™s work. A tremendous amount of work. Itโ€™s easy to get lost in the glamor of it allโ€”the sex, the multiple connections, the novelty you can frequently experience. But let me assure you, shit ainโ€™t easy. Itโ€™s a lot to manage, and requires so much bandwidth.

It will lovingly force you to dive a little deeper into cultivating more self assurance, more self awareness, and more self confidence. It will demand you to vocalize your needs, have difficult conversations, declare boundaries, and effectively communicate. Itโ€™ll remind you to stop trivializing your feelings in order to please someone else, because the way you feel is just as important. It will ask you to neglect beliefs no longer serving you or your partners.

Ultimately, for me, this relationship paved my path to a road full of self discovery and growth. And Iโ€™m utterly grateful for the valuable and crucial lessons this set up brought me.

Devi

The Power of Masturbation

Are you touching yourself? Like all up on (and in) yourself? Because you should be.

Itโ€™s truly irksome and utterly bewildering that masturbation is for whatever reason still considered taboo. That sex with someone else is more normal than sex with yourself. Sex is such is a powerful and beautiful way to foster a deeper, more intimate connection with someone. Including with yourself. Thee most important connection of all.

Like, hello, self fucking love.

But hereโ€™s something else to ponder: if you donโ€™t feel comfortable touching your own body, how are you supposed to feel comfortable with someone else touching it?

As Iโ€™ve discussed many times before, in order to feel confident in a space with someone else, it starts with you. YOU have to feel comfortable with you. If youโ€™re eager to experience more confidence, more pleasure, more arousal in the bedroomโ€”masturbation will help you actualize your desire.

Self-exploration is one of the fastest ways to discover what makes you tick. And when spend time getting to know your body, you can then replicate and communicate it with someone else. You can teach them what turns you on, which makes it easier for them to please you, allowing for more orgasmic sex (YAY!! ๐Ÿคค). And I mean, whatโ€™s more attractive than communication?

So, feel yourselfโ€”every part of yourself. Playing with yourself is a glorious thing.

Whose going to masturbate today?

Happy Orgasms,

Devi


Want more tools on how to feel confident in the bedroom? Click HERE to download my FREE guide, Sex With The Lights On.

You Can't Afford to Put Yourself Last Anymore

Admittedly, I know how uncomfortably difficult it can be to use your voice to declare boundaries.

And itโ€™s no surprise as to why.

All the conditioning from the patriarchal culture has influenced women to fall into the role of being the caretakerโ€”to please and serve everyone in a way that forcefully demands you to self-neglect. Youโ€™ve been taught to sacrifice your needs in order to serve others. To put yourself last, and everyone else first, because somehow their needs are considered far more important than your own.

And when you do decide to say noโ€”the world gasps.

โ€œ๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ ๐˜ด๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ซ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜บ!?โ€

Youโ€™re shamed, judged, and questioned the minute you stand up for yourself. And all of it makes you feel wrong, so you find yourself dismissing what you said.

This is profoundly problematic, of course. But it explains why you, me, all of us women experience discomfort and resistance when it comes to setting boundaries.

The challenge is real, itโ€™s valid, and I understandably get your struggle. But you canโ€™t keep abiding to this. You simply cannot afford to put yourself last anymore. Itโ€™s not serving you and itโ€™s working against you in every way imaginable.

Itโ€™s time to draw the line.

To stop saying yes when you mean no.

To build unbreakable walls that protect the things you just wonโ€™t fucking tolerate and autonomously decide what those things are.

To stop surrendering to someone elseโ€™s desires instead of your own.

Stand powerfully in your agency, baby girl.

Start right now. Start with something small, something easy and progress. I promise with each no, it gets seemingly easier.

xx

Devi

Life Will Do Whatever The F*ck it Wants to You

Life will do whatever the fuck it wants to you, and sometimes those uncontrollable outcomes are undesirable.

Things are going unravel and unfold exactly the way theyโ€™re supposed to and sometimes, youโ€™re going to fucking hate it.

You have two options:

You can either play victim and attach to the story of, โ€œit wasnโ€™t supposed to be this way.โ€

OR.

You can see these undesirable and often painful outcomes as an opportunity for growth. As a tool to learn. As the mapping to your higher, divine self.

Expansion, if you will โœจ

Because maybe, just maybe these things are working for youโ€”not against you.

Perhaps this pain, this muck, this shitty situation is just a disguise for something beautiful to flourish.

I choose option two, how about you?

Devi

Sex With The Lights On - Podcast Interview with Marie Wold

In this podcast with Marie Wold on The Grind & Be Grateful Podcast, I dive into the reasons women feel insecure in their bodies and how to overcome it. I get deep about body image, sex, and personal experiences Iโ€™ve had. Tune in to hear my story and learn tools on how to feel more confident in your body and in the bedroom.

Website: https://www.grindandbegratefulpodcast.com/

Marieโ€™s Instagram: @MarieeWold

SHOW NOTES:

  • Who is Devon Day? (7:57)

  • Idolizing unrealistic body types (9:30)

  • Food as a form of fuel and nourishment (12:10)

  • Empowering yourself with your experiences (13:37)

  • Whatโ€™s keeping us trapped in our lack of confidence and self-acceptance (14:55)

  • The stories we tell ourselves (15:25)

  • Bringing awareness to self-limiting and self-sabotaging beliefs (15:40)

  • โ€œYou donโ€™t have to take these stories to heart, and you donโ€™t have to let them hold power over youโ€ โ€ฆ โ€œYou have the power to re-write the scriptโ€ (17:05)

  • Thoughts are just thoughts (17:46)

  • โ€œFind where your insecurity is coming from, unpack the belief, and shift the narrativeโ€ (20:20)

  • โ€œHow boring would it be if we all looked the same?โ€ (21:50)

  • โ€œNobody laughs the same as us, or smiles the same as usโ€ฆโ€ (22:09)

  • The Jealousy Cycle / Comparison Game  (23:10)

  • The difference between admiration and jealousy (24:10)

  • Sex With the Lights On (25:17)

  • โ€œSo many of us let our insecurities be our identity; you have insecurities, but you arenโ€™t your insecuritiesโ€ (26:55)

  • โ€œWe are conditioned to feel insecure about our insecuritiesโ€ (28:16)

  • Porn โ€“ why we should NOT use it as a too to learn about sex  (30:25)

  • Letโ€™s Talk about sex (32:55)

  • โ€œWe all have that inner mean girlโ€ฆโ€ (33:10)

  • Normalizing our bodies (34:10)

  • Silencing the noise; โ€“ being aware of our thoughts through meditation (34:40)

  • Roles โ€“ addressing and challenging stereotypes (36:55)

  • Communicating with our partners (38:10)

  • โ€œVulnerability helps us connect with people even deeperโ€ฆโ€

  • Directing and validating others (40:38)

  • Vulnerability gets easier over time (42:36)

  • โ€œSex doesnโ€™t always flow so seamlesslyโ€ (44:48)

  • Where to find Devonโ€™s Guide, Sex With the Lights On (45:45)

  • One thing Devon is currently grinding for & grateful for (46:20)

Tears on Christmas

โ€œ๐‘ฐ๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’š๐’†๐’‚๐’“ ๐’‰๐’†โ€™๐’” ๐’ˆ๐’๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’ ๐’„๐’‚๐’๐’ ๐’Ž๐’†?โ€ I think to myself. Anxiously waiting by my phone hoping to hear a ring...to hear his voice.

As the hours pass by, the hope dissipates and my answer is clear. He isnโ€™t going to call me.

A harsh reality I have to accept every single year.

This holiday is terribly triggering. The absence of my father brings heartache and pain and resentment and frustration and all these unresolved questions Iโ€™ve been pondering for years now.

As I sit here on my very first Christmas in complete solitudeโ€”the loneliness is weighing heavy on me. Not necessarily because Iโ€™m isolated, but because there are no distractions to keep my head space preoccupied.

Iโ€™m alone and being alone opens up more space to think about him. Iโ€™m not just thinking about him calling, Iโ€™m thinking about everything that involves him. Iโ€™ve been crying on and offโ€”which isnโ€™t unusual for meโ€”but itโ€™s more tears than usual.

It really fucking hurts.

I share this because this holiday might be hard for you, too. I know thereโ€™s nothing I could possibly say to take the pain away, but I do want you to know youโ€™re not alone.

I see you. I feel you. I understand how hard this day can be for you. Itโ€™s not going to feel okay, and that is okay. Your experience and your feelings are completely valid.

I love you. Iโ€™m here for you if you need me.

Devi

What Happened When I Entered a Polyamorous Relationship

In January of 2018, I started dating not one, but two people. I entered into a polyamorous relationship with an established couple. We became whatโ€™s a triad: a configuration in which all three of us were dating each other, equally.

The relationship was unconventional, and beautiful, and challenging. But I loved it, even the messiness of it. I loved it so much, I decided to pack my bags in Ohioโ€”the place I lived since the day I was bornโ€”to move to NYC to live with them.

That decision set off a cascade of events. There was almost never a humdrum moment. Some of it was joyful. Some of it was painful. All of it was awakening.

I really didnโ€™t know what I was getting into, but, I mean...do we ever? ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

It worked for awhile. And then it didnโ€™t. One person left. And then there were two. That worked awhile. And then it didnโ€™t.

I often credit NYC for breaking me openโ€”and donโ€™t get me wrong, it did. But, fuck, these two people broke me open in more ways than anything in my life ever has.

When I reflect back on how Iโ€™ve changed this past year, those changes all track back to them and my decision to be with them. They were highlight and very much the center of my 2018.

They pushed me in ways I needed, including the ones I wasnโ€™t aware I needed. They loved me so much, it made ME love me so much. They showed me the world with a different lens. And through that lens, I saw things more clearly and with greater understanding. It brought questions. And lessons. It stretched me. It transformed me.

Devon then compared to Devon now isnโ€™t remotely the same.

Sheโ€™s smarter. Sheโ€™s braver. Sheโ€™s stronger. Sheโ€™s bisexual. Sheโ€™s monoga-mish. Sheโ€™s sluttier (but with strong boundaries). Sheโ€™s unapologetic. Sheโ€™s weirder. Sheโ€™s sillier. Sheโ€™s louder.

She knows what she wants and asks for it, even when trepidation sits inside her. She operates from her own agency, standing powerfully in her autonomy.

Sheโ€™s shifted into an entirely new way of beingโ€”something brighter.

And so much more herself.

And fuck, she is ever grateful. Iโ€™m grateful for them and everything they brought. 2018 was a was a life altering experience and a year Iโ€™ll never forget.

Thank you 2018. Iโ€™m ready to harness this potent power, this magic, this new way of being in 2019.

Happy New Year.

Love,

Devi

Severing Friendships As You Evolve

Like the moon, you will transform with each phase you go through. And there will be someone in your lifeโ€”someone you even consider your closest and longest friendโ€”who will absolutely hate your transformation.

The will shame you, judge you, reject you, and tell you your new way of being is โ€œwrong.โ€

But itโ€™s not. ๐˜๐˜ตโ€™๐˜ด ๐˜ซ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ง๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต.

Different from what you once were, and thatโ€™s okay. Youโ€™re supposed to changeโ€”thatโ€™s concomitant with age, pain, lessons, experiences, and all the other various things in life that shift you.

Your beliefs, values, likes, dislikes, and views will evolve into something slightly or entirely new. And sometimes the newness will make or break a relationship, and this is a truthโ€”a hard oneโ€”you must accept when it means the breaking of one.

Where you once both shared a profound connectionโ€”now, thereโ€™s only resentment, annoyance, conflict, and arguments due to your transition altering that.

Youโ€™re moving into a direction they donโ€™t like or understand. And as a result, they attack you and you find yourself in defense mode or maybe even feeling guilty for something that feels right to you.

And yes, there are occasions where you both find resolution or step in a place of acceptance and all of the trouble eventually dissipates. But every so often, as I said, the relationship must come to an end.

You canโ€™t continue or afford to hold and attach to relationships that keep you stagnant and stifle your growth. It must be severed in order to support your expansion.

So yes, as you change, sometimes that means a relationship must change, too. This is okay. It doesnโ€™t make you wrong. It doesnโ€™t even make them wrong. It just means you two are no longer in alignment.

Grow. Shed. Change. Evolve. Itโ€™s beautiful. Itโ€™s necessary. Itโ€™s needed.

Love,

Devi

Relinquish and Come This Way

Iโ€™m giving you permission. Permission to relinquish the thing(s) that are no longer serving youโ€”or perhaps never were.

The stories. The beliefs. The people. All the things causing you an unbearable amount of pain.

Release your grip.
Lay it down.
Let it go.

I know. Sometimes ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ด easier to cradle the suffering. Easier because it can be used as an excuse. Used as a way to attach to the narratives you perpetually feed into. Used to get out of taking responsibility. Used to blame. Used to point.

Used to avoid change and growth, for the sake of familiarity and uncertainty.

But your resistance to give it up is the very reason the fire grows bigger. Stronger. More intense. Itโ€™s the reason everything is crumbling and burning to ash. Keeping it only fuels the fire.

You donโ€™t need to spiral down the path of ongoing misery.

Relinquish and come this way. Hold my hand and join me, my darling.

Letโ€™s take radical responsibility and pick up our feet to walk into a new direction. Use our hands to write a different story. Use our awareness to detach and recreate entirely new beliefs.

Through this awakening, you and I will step into a space full of freedom, bliss, and serenity.

Are you ready for beauty to blossom?

If youโ€™re ready to live an Empowered life, click here and walk with me. Iโ€™ll hold your hand and show you the way.

Talk soon,

Devi