Self Love

Three Ways to Practice Body Acceptance

Do I love my stretch marks and cellulite? No, I don’t love them—I also don’t hate them. I just accept them and I’m okay with the fact that they’re there.

Self love and body acceptance doesn't exactly mean loving every single part of your body. And this might catch you by surprise because it seems to go against everything that love and acceptance stands for—but it’s not.

It’s not about learning to love and romanticize over something you don’t like. It’s about normalizing it, accepting it for what it is and not letting it define you.

Instead of trying to “love” something you don’t love, try this instead:

1. Bring awareness to it without judging it or linking it to a negative meaning. If you see cellulite, call it for what it is, rather than saying something like: gross, disgusting, ugly. Keep it at cellulite without the self sabotaging story attached to it.

2. Normalize it and accept it for what it is. Remind yourself that rolls, folds, and dimples are just normal things that your body creates.

3. Don’t attach it to your worth. It doesn’t deem you as unworthy and it doesn’t represent your beauty. These things are apart of your body, but they certainly don’t define it.



For more tools on body acceptance, click here to take my FREE body confidence course.

Love,

Devi

Why You Should Cry in Public

I’d be lying if I said moving across the country has been easy, or if I said, “I’m fine.” Because it hasn’t been easy. And I’m not fine.

The day I left the greatest city in the world, and even the week leading up to my departure, I’ve been sitting in pain. In the discomfort. In the unease because of the entirety of the situation.

I’ve cried myself to sleep. And I’ve even allowed myself to cry in the taxi. At the airport. On the plane. At the beach. It doesn’t matter where I am or who I’m with—I let it come pouring out. I refuse to play pretend because to lie to you, but especially to lie to myself, would be denying what’s true for me. What’s real for me. What’s taking place inside me.

Nothing right now feels okay, and to experience that feeling IS okay.

I’m not here to live by the “only positive vibes” motto, because quite frankly, it’s bullshit. I’m here for the bad vibes. For the sad vibes. For the negative vibes. And for the painful vibes, too.

I’m here to express and embody the full spectrum of emotions we as human beings can experience. And should experience.

It’s not healthy to suppress what’s coming up for you. To deny yourself the experience to feel whatever is bubbling below the surface is to deny yourself the process of healing and the opportunity to grow.

Feel whatever you’re feeling without judgement, or resistance, or denial. Show up with it. Sit with it. Question it. Ask why it’s here and what it’s here to teach you.

Walk through the wilderness of discomfort, because it’s a vital part of your expansion.

And remember—it’s all ephemeral.

With so much love,

Devi

Dear Victoria Secret, Lack of Diversity is a Problem.

I was 15 years old when I became infatuated with the models from the VS Fashion Show.

I wanted to look like them. Be like them.

And so obviously, I did everything I could to achieve my desire. I vividly remember typing into Google, “Adriana Lima’s and Miranda Kerr’s diet and workout routine.”

I followed the plans strictly, and yet it never worked. My body got smaller, but it definitely didn’t morph into a replica of a VS angel.

As a result, I moved into heavier extremes. Dangerous ones even. From eating *just* baby food to eating nothing at all (or at least trying not to).

Again, never actualizing the body I dreamed of no matter how hard I tried. I was frustrated and filled with deep hatred toward myself and my body.

“Why can’t my body just look like them?”

I had no real understanding of anatomy at the time. I couldn’t comprehend no matter how hard I tried, my build and genetic make-up are completely different. And for so long, I thought those differences made me unworthy.

But at the root of it all, while the misunderstanding of anatomy certainly factored in, it was more about the lack of diversity I saw as a young girl. I didn’t see other bodies being celebrated; I only saw one.

If I wanted to be beautiful and worthy—I was conditioned to believe I had to look like an angel. And it saddens me that even to this day, Victoria Secret refuses to diversify the company. You’d think a company that has so much power would want to help change that narrative—not continue to enable it.

While they’re under no obligation to do so, saying the reason not to is because the show is a “fantasy” supports that fucked up narrative. And in a real way, dehumanizes so many of us.

Despite being extremely disappointed in the company, I’m proud to see people vocalize against it and stand together on this.

We’re all worthy of being celebrated. Every size, every shape, every color, every identity.


I love you,

Devi


WANT TO LEARN HOW TO FEEL CONFIDENT IN YOUR BODY AS IT IS? CLICK HERE AND TAKE MY FREE BODY CONFIDENCE CHALLENGE.

Relinquish and Come This Way

I’m giving you permission. Permission to relinquish the thing(s) that are no longer serving you—or perhaps never were.

The stories. The beliefs. The people. All the things causing you an unbearable amount of pain.

Release your grip.
Lay it down.
Let it go.

I know. Sometimes 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 easier to cradle the suffering. Easier because it can be used as an excuse. Used as a way to attach to the narratives you perpetually feed into. Used to get out of taking responsibility. Used to blame. Used to point.

Used to avoid change and growth, for the sake of familiarity and uncertainty.

But your resistance to give it up is the very reason the fire grows bigger. Stronger. More intense. It’s the reason everything is crumbling and burning to ash. Keeping it only fuels the fire.

You don’t need to spiral down the path of ongoing misery.

Relinquish and come this way. Hold my hand and join me, my darling.

Let’s take radical responsibility and pick up our feet to walk into a new direction. Use our hands to write a different story. Use our awareness to detach and recreate entirely new beliefs.

Through this awakening, you and I will step into a space full of freedom, bliss, and serenity.

Are you ready for beauty to blossom?

If you’re ready to live an Empowered life, click here and walk with me. I’ll hold your hand and show you the way.

Talk soon,

Devi

The Best Thing to Do When You're on Your Period.

You are bloated, uncomfortable and emotional. Your are more prone to feeling sensitive and vulnerable. Your productivity is shot to shit, and the only thing you can fathom doing is laying in bed, eating copious amounts of food—preferably coated in chocolate. All while simultaneously having blood flow out of your body.

This happens every month.

Rather than demanding yourself to push through it, to sack up—slow down and actually listen. Let your body rest, let her bleed, give her love. Give yourself permission to do the thing that is going to make you feel better.

You're probably feeling one or all of these things below, and this is how I want you to handle it:


“I feel disgusting”

You’re experiencing discomfort throughout your body. You feel heavy, bloated, boggled down with cramps, and suddenly you catch yourself looking in the mirror in utter disgust.

You are faced with body image issues, perhaps more than you’re used to.

Remind yourself that this is part of menstruation—this is how your body reacts. Don’t let something natural be accompanied with shame, embarrassment and self sabotage. Instead, proceed with consideration and compassion.

You can bring awareness to the change, without attaching it to a meaning. Instead of saying, “Ew. Gross. I am so bloated.” You can objectify it and say, “I am bloated because of my period. This is normal.”

Detach from the notion that implies your body’s biology is disgusting. You’re body is beautiful and so is the nature of it’s inner workings.

“I don’t want to move.”

Working out is beneficial, but it can also feel unbearable—especially when the flow is heavy. Rather than forcing yourself to exercise intensely, exercise intuitively.

The first couple of days might call for doing something easygoing. You’re body could be asking, “Hey, you. Can we do something laid-back today?”

Listening to your body’s intuition—she is communicating with you and it’s your job to honor her needs.

If she is asking you to slow down, you need to do exactly that. Self care isn’t always about vigorous exercise, sometimes it’s the exact opposite. Try going for a walk in mother nature or flowing through a vinyasa — move your body in a way that feels right. It could be something intense, but it could be something light. Let go of the narrative that’s telling you what you’re doing isn’t enough, because adhering to your body’s needs is more than enough.

“I want to eat everything!”

You’re hungrier and have more cravings than usual. While gluttony isn’t the answer, eating slightly a bit more could be. If you feel like consuming more food or need to have chocolate single night, do it—just don’t over do it.

Everything in moderation is fine. Restriction never works, especially on your period.

“Why am I crying?”

You don’t need to hide your emotions under a mask or have a justifiable reason as to why you feel the way you do. Cry for absolutely no reason, shred to tears, pour it all out.

It’s okay, you’re allowed.

 

All and all, you’re probably going to be moving less, eating more, feeling emotional AF. But, be kind to yourself, baby girl, because all of that is perfectly okay.


Want to learn how to feel confident in your body, just as it is? Join my 5 day FREE body confidence course by clicking here.

How I Overcome an Eating Disorder & Body Dysmorphia - Podcast With Fitfluential

In this interview with FitFluential, I discussed how I overcame an eating disorder and body dysmorphia. Tune in to hear my story and the tools I used to work through it by listening to the link below.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • How my parents raised me and how I got into fitness.
  • The moment that made me realize I needed to change.
  • How I felt every day when I still had an eating disorder.
  • Why being too strict about your fitness is mentally damaging.
  • My binge-triggers and how I recovered from it.
  • Why I stopped doing cardio.
  • My thoughts on body type trends and acceptance.

Key Takeaways:

  • When you find what makes you happy, it’s a million times easier to stick to it.
  • Stressing over your health and fitness is still stress.
  • We’re relying too much on other people’s external validations.

Bisexuality - My Story.

It’s not unusual for anyone to look at an attractive person and recognize that individual is objectively beautiful. But there’s always been so much more to it wrapped up in that admission for me.

For a while, as I struggled with my eating disorder, admiration was colored with jealousy from a lack of self-esteem. Acknowledging another woman’s beauty in some way diminished my own: she was prettier, thinner, sexier, whatever-er. The negative self-talk hid a lot of things.

Coming to love my body changed everything for me. I no longer spent energy hating myself, I could focus it on discovering myself.

I began to accept and love who I am in other ways. Including my sexuality. Once I stopped hating myself for the way I looked, it was easier to simply appreciate another woman’s beauty instead letting it detract from how I felt about myself.

Accepting your sexuality is different for everyone. For some, it’s always been obvious. For others, it’s a process, one of both development and discovery.

For me, once the veil of *something* had been lifted and I no longer viewed other woman with jealousy, I realized I was looking at them with something else. And that I had always looked at them that way; I just didn’t allow myself to see it.

“Wow, she’s gorgeous.” I was saying the same words as my friends if we were looking at the same woman. But I became more and more aware that for me, it meant something very different. It was more than admiration or objective analysis.

I wasn’t just seeing that she was beautiful—I was seeing that she was beautiful and I wanted her. Wanted to talk to her, to flirt with her, to kiss her. When I looked at certain women, I felt all the things: the butterflies, the nervousness, the beautiful trepidation that comes with any crush. Whatever magic comes into being whenever you realize you like someone, want someone—I was feeling that with women.

Yet it was a feeling I shut off and shoved down for the longest time. Part of this was the eating disorder, and the way viewing myself through its lens forced me to view other people.

But there was more to it, so much more. Like so many of us, I thought it was wrong. Not necessarily wrong in the absolute sense. But for me. Wrong for me to feel it, to want it, to want to feel it. And especially to express it.

I was influenced by my Catholic upbringing, and while I wasn’t exposed to what you’d call overt homophobia, I was being convinced to think that ALL of my sexual urges were wrong. That I should want to be with just one person, one man—for the purpose of getting married and having children.

Contrasted with this, I had an experience watching a same-sex relationships. After my mothers divorce, my mother began dating a woman. In our conversations during that time, though she never referred to herself as bi/queer/pansexual etc, she revealed to me that she’d had other relationships with women throughout her life. While that should have in some way made it easier for me to accept and declare my own sexual identity, it had the opposite effect. My mother’s relationship with her then-girlfriend—the first same-sex relationship I’d ever really experienced up-close—was incredibly toxic.

Witnessing this had it’s own effect on me, but there were other factors: my biological father criticized her for it constantly, implying the relationship itself was wrong, and that the wrongness of it explained the toxic relationship.

A clear picture was being painted for me. I internalized it, and subconsciously came to believe being with a woman was wrong, inappropriate, and difficult.

These beliefs lasted a long time, and guided some of my actions, at least in that they prevented me from exploring in ways that were desirable.

Owning my sexuality in a powerful way—abandoning negative attachments to words like “slut” or what it means to have a certain number of sexual partners—was liberating in so many ways. Being able to enjoy sex and not judge myself for wanting to be with more than one person was a learned practice. As I got better at it, being comfortable with myself in one sexual context allowed me to carry this comfort and confidence to another: my interest in women.

My fantasies about threesomes began to focus more on what it would be like to be with a woman, rather than what it would be like to be one of two women with a man. And so on.

By 2017, I was at a place in my life where I was actively working through childhood trauma, unpacking beliefs I had, and learning let go of an image that society wanted me to be.

All of which led me to meeting and creating absolutely beautiful friendships. I was surrounded by people who supported me, accepted me, and made me feel comfortable with exploring this piece of my sexuality.

From there, it was a matter of time before I was not only accepting of my interest in women, but ready to explore.

Through Instagram, I connected with someone, a man whose work I’d admired for years. To put it bluntly: I slid into his DMs. We developed a (mostly) professional dialogue, and when the opportunity presented itself to go to a seminar he was speaking at in NYC, I jumped at the chance.

Before I booked my flight, he said that he wanted to be clear and that he was enjoying developing our friendship, but currently had no desires or expectations beyond that. I’d had a crush on him for years, but agreed that keeping it professional was best.

At this point, he revealed two things to me: firstly, that he had a partner with whom he was completely in love; and secondly, that they were polyamorous and the relationship was open.

My weekend in New York was amazing. They were kind and generous, we had fun and built a strong connection.

For the next few months, I visited them and learned more about their relationship, about polyamory, and about sexuality.

The woman in the relationship, was (is) amazing in every way. My crush on her was instant. By the time I met her she was openly bisexual, but it turned out that she’d had an upbringing very similar to my own. The Catholicism, coupled with having been raised in the south, led her to shut off or ignore her desires. For a long while, she felt intense discomfort with the idea of exploring with women. And because we related on that level it made it even easier for me. I felt like it was okay that I had all these feelings, like I wasn’t the only one who went through this and dealt with this.

Shortly after meeting these two, things ended with the person I’d been dating. The rest is reasonably predictable: the attraction between us had grown, as had the comfort, and I had my first sexual experience with a woman and my first threesome in the same evening.

That woman became my girlfriend and that man became my boyfriend. And I learned more about myself in that relationship than I ever thought possible.

I interpret my sexual identity as bisexual, but I’m aware that may expand to something else as I continue to explore myself. And where that once would have filled me with fear and shame, now there is only excitement and curiosity.

I want to end this by letting any of you who are struggling with their sexual identity: it’s okay that it’s scary and uncomfortable and troubling. But you are not alone and there is a community of people out there who are willing to help you work through it.

XX

Devi

Is Father's Day Difficult For You, Too?

I haven’t talked to my biological father in about 5 years—by choice.

Choosing something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s easier—sometimes it makes even harder. You begin to question things like:

“Was that the right decision?”

“Am I just being stubborn?”

“Should I practice forgiveness?”

These are all things I’ve contemplated and tried moving through over the course of the separation.

I think about my father…every, single, day. Usually it’s just a thought that pops up for only a minute, but occasionally I get lost in the thought—especially on holidays, but more specifically on a day like yesterday; a day that is dedicated to celebrating fathers.

Father’s Day is easily one of the toughest days of the year for me. It consists of pain, letdown and heartache.

There is this notion that claims over time things get easier, because time allows opportunity for you to forget, to heal, and to move forward. That hasn’t been the case for me—it’s honestly grown to be harder.

Yesterday, I decided to distract myself by keeping busy; I thought staying preoccupied would prevent me from falling into emotional misery. But the minute I stepped foot in my apartment after being gone all day, it hit me—my body started to shake, anxiety was trapped in my chest, and breathing felt difficult. Thoughts started racing in my head and I’d get lost in every single one of them.

Did he think about me today? I wonder what his thoughts were if he did. Was he angry? Was he sad?

Did he feel the urge to call me? Did he even want to hear from me? Did he want me to call him? Or did he want me to leave him in peace?

How is he doing? What’s new in his life? Is he happy?

What would our relationship look like now? Would he be proud of me? Or would he feel the same way he’s always felt...disappointed and ashamed?

I know I can easily find out the answers if I just pick up the phone and dial his number, but I can’t muster up the courage to do so—it’s too triggering, too scary, too complicated.


And I’m just not ready to face it.


This is easily the most vulnerable piece I’ve ever written for the world to read, mainly because I am terrified he will read it. I’m not writing this for sympathy. I’m writing this because I know that some of you have a similar relationship with your father or your mother or even both and to let you know that I understand how heavy these days can be for you.

I want you to know that whatever you’re feeling, it’s not wrong.

Don’t beat yourself up about how you feel because it’s allowed to be hard. It’s okay that you feel anger, grief and despair. It’s okay that you’re too scared to call, to hear their voice, to have the conversation.

Let yourself experience those feelings and acknowledge those thoughts instead of shoving them down and ignoring them. Because sometimes, throwing your face into a pillow and shredding to tears makes you feel one percent better. It did for me yesterday, and I believe it can for you, too.

I understand some of your pain and I’m holding space for you through this difficult time.

I love you,

Devi

Coming Out As BiSexual - Becca's Story

Just like any other day, I was mindlessly swiping through Bumble, except on this particularly day, someone caught my attention. A beautiful soul named Becca had sent me a message and I was immediately drawn to her - not just because she's beautiful, but because of the conversation we exchanged. We talked about bisexuality, polyamory, and non-monogamy - all things I was new or open to exploring and it felt great to discuss it with someone who shared common ground.

Exploring your sexuality can be absolutely fucking terrifying.  I want to do my part by bringing more awareness in hope that it can help others experience ease and comfort through their exploration.

I am thrilled to put the spotlight on Becca today as she shares her truth and story about coming out as bisexual.

 

When did you realize you were sexually attracted to women?

I realized I was attracted to women around my freshman year of high school. I can’t remember how it occurred to me or if I saw a particular woman that made that part of me “click," but I know it didn’t happen until I was about 15 years old.

 

Was it hard to come out?

It has not been super difficult with those I opened up to, but I won’t lie, not everyone knows yet - including both of my parents.

I recently wrote a blog post talking about my sexual orientation and "coming out" because I felt it was easier to write than it was to put in words. And despite the fact that most of my family members are still kept in the dark, I willing shared the post to Facebook. Right when I posted it, I couldn't help but hide the post from my parents. Part of me realizes that their opinion does not matter and I also don't even think they would be upset...but I just have not felt ready to address it with them yet, and you know what? That's okay.

 

Have you faced any negative judgement? If so, how did it make you feel and how did you handle it?

Fortunately, I haven’t faced much scrutiny. I think part of that has to do with the fact that I've always had boyfriends and haven't publicly been with women.

But, a frequent thing I hear is that bisexuals are merely "fetishizing" the same sex, and that we don't actually find ourselves romantically interested in them - this really bothers me.

If you date a woman, you are lesbian. If you date a man, you are straight. People want black and white answers and they have a hard time understanding that you can be bisexual while just dating a man or just dating a women.

It is frustrating when someone tries to tell you that your feelings are wrong and certainly isn't fair because no one has the right to take your feelings away from you. No one can tell you how you feel - only you know how you feel. And in my own experience, I have been sexually and romantically interested in both genders. Sometimes it's just one of those feelings and sometimes it's both. It changes, but it's never wrong.

 

Do you identify as bisexual?

I do identify as bisexual. For the longest time, I told myself there wasn’t enough evidence nor did I have enough experience to say that I was. But, I have since grown to understand that there is no specific definition I need to follow. I like men and I like women, regardless of who I’ve been with and who I am with now.

 

Knowing that you are engaged, how does your fiance feel about you exploring your sexuality with women?

He has been very supportive of my exploration in women. I told him from the beginning that it was something I was interested in and he was completely open to the idea of letting me experience that. The reason this is entirely possible is because we have a great communication skills with each other. We communicate our needs,  yet set clear boundaries so that we both feel safe in the relationship.

 

Have you always felt confident in your sexuality? If not, how did you get there?

It’s been a process, but in the last few months, I have become more accepting and comfortable with owning my sexuality. I realized that it is just as factual as the color of my hair. It’s not an extension of me - this mega-secret that no one should know. It’s just a factual piece of information. I have green eyes. I love wine. I sleep a lot. I like women and I like men, too. That's it - there is no hidden or negative meaning behind it.

 

What is one thing you have done that has helped you feel more confident in your body during intimate moments with your partner?

Intimacy has always been a struggling of mine, but there have been a few things I've put into practice that has allowed things to flow easier for me.

The first being that I prefer encounters start slower rather than rushed. I like to feel physically connected not only with my partner but with myself.

The second being that I feel sexiest if I am fresh and moisturized while wearing my silk robe. I also find that aroma therapy with scents of rose petals and lavender helps get me in the mood.

The last is that I feel most confident if I am direct and honest with my wants and needs.

 

What advice would you give to someone who is curious, but feels shameful about exploring their sexuality?

I say just go for it. If you want to try it, try it! With that said, I think it's important to factor in two major things:

The first, it's still sex so practice safe sex. The second, when you are figuring out your sexuality, feelings can still get hurt.

It is always important to remember that no matter what you’re doing or who you’re doing it with, it is crucial to be open and honest so that clear intentions are set. Be upfront and be truthful - even when it's difficult. But most importantly, have some fucking fun.


image4.jpg

Becca is a 23 year old from Columbus, OH. She has always had an interest in psychology, especially with adolescence.

When she isn’t watching a crime series, you can find her singing around the kitchen cooking dinner and online shopping. Becca enjoys wine nights, makeup, and time to cuddle with her kitten.

Instagram: @labeeuhtriixx

Blog: https://wordsthoughtsstuff.wordpress.com/

Are Negative Thoughts Normal?

Do you feel like when you’re wearing a bikini, your insecurities tend to cloud over you? Your thoughts are preoccupied with how you look rather than how much fun you’re having (or could be having)? You think things like...

 “I look gross”
“Her body is better than mine”
“I don’t want to take my clothes off”

What if I told you that all these thoughts are harmless? And they don’t have to hold power over you?

What most “self love gurus” don’t tell you is that negative thoughts will come up—and that’s okay.

A thought is just thought; you will have weird ones, silly ones, positive ones, uncomfortable ones, and negative ones.

But these thoughts will only affect you when you get lost in them—when you attach yourself to the story and believe it as true.

But, you are not your thoughts. Don’t latch on to them, don’t let them control you and don’t let them take momentum.

You deserve to frolic around in your bikini without a single concern about your appearance, because your body is not wrong. There is absolutely nothing to worry about.

Drink your marg out of a red solo cup (because glass in water is dangerous - duh) and lounge around on inflatable tubes.

Have fun, relax, and stop giving fucks about things that aren’t worth giving a fuck about.

XX

Devi


Do you want more body confidence tips? Click here to join my FREE body confidence course.