breakups

Choose People Who Choose You

The people you surround yourself with matter.

They can tear you apart, stomp on your confidence, damage your self esteem, try to mold you into something you’re not, shame you for who you are, and spit you out making you feel like you were worth nothing.

I’ve been there. I know what that feels like.

And the magical thing is that you have a choice. You can either keep choosing someone like that, or you can choose someone who:

Heightens your confidence.
Accepts all the quirkiness.
Never puts pressure on you and allows you to make decisions when you’re ready.
Gives you reassurance when you need it most.
Encourages you to do things you’re afraid of, but you know it’s necessary.
Makes you feel safe, especially in your most vulnerable states.
Helps you unpack your own insecurities and never judges you for them.
Reminds you of how much you have to offer the world.
Inspires you to be better.
Empowers you to show up living your truth.
Opens up space for you with nothing but compassion.
Lets you own the fuck out of who you are and never shames you for it.
Buys you Reese’s Cups—not mandatory, but definitely a bonus.

Most importantly, someone who chooses you, for you and never tries to change you. Because darling, you deserve that and nothing less.

You are not under any obligation to stay in a relationship—it is all but a choice.

You don't just hangout with someone, you choose to hangout with someone. You choose to spend your time investing in someone. You choose to be around them and let them be around you.

So take a moment to carefully examine each relationship in your life. Ask yourself:

Do I have to keep my guard up? Or do I feel safe?

Do I show up being my most authentic self? Or do I hide under a mask?

Do they push me to be better? Or shame me instead?

Do they encourage me to play big? Or keep me small?

Do you feel happy the majority of the time? Or sad?

Do they enhance my life? Or detract from it?

Do they invest in our relationship? Or am I the only one putting in effort?

Do they speak truth? Or do they lie?

Do they heighten my confidence? Or belittle me?

Do they add value to my life?

These are all serious questions to consider.

And I want to preference this by saying I know that severing relationships is never easy, but your life will flourish in a myriad of ways when you start choosing people who choose you. So choose wisely and choose carefully.

XO

Devi

4 life changing lessons I learned in 2017

This past year has been full of opportunity and growth—with my business, with my relationships, and with myself. 

As this year comes to an end, I wanted to share 4 life changing lessons I learned in hopes that they can be life changing for you as well.

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IS A FRIEND

I used to get extremely defensive when I received criticism. I don’t like to be wrong (who does?), I felt like the person was belittling me, and it made me feel inadequate. 

But here is the thing, constructive criticism is a wonderful growth tool. Instead of taking advice as negative feedback, rather use it as a way improve.

For example: A friend recently pointed out to me that I use the word “so” way too frequently, especially on my Instagram stories. He suggested that I decreased the usage of the word, and varied my vocabulary.

He noted an observation and confronted me to help me—not to make me feel less. Unfortunately, not everyone knows how to confront you in a polite manner, as he did—some people don’t know how to communicate without being blunt, rude, or aggressive. But, we can still perceive it as a way to better ourselves, instead of getting upset about it. 

Let criticism be your friend, not your enemy. 

I know there might be instances in which you receive criticism that isn’t useful—because well, some people are just assholes. Don't take it personally—it has everything to do with them and absolutely nothing to do with you. 

BE VULNERABLE 

Being vulnerable is scary, but can be an asset to your life in so many ways. 

Vulnerability has allowed me to show up authentically because it encourages me to live my truth. It has opened up more doors for opportunity because I put myself out there. It has improved my connection with people on a deeper level because I talk about uncomfortable topics. It has helped me accept uncertainty because I can go into situations without knowing the outcome. All of which has been imperative to my growth. 

It’s a scary thing, that it is. But it’s a necessary thing. 

SOME PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE TO TEACH YOU SOMETHING, BUT NOT TO STAY FOREVER

One of the hardest things I had to come into acceptance with this year was realizing that not everyone is meant to stay in my life forever. Sometimes a person is meant to come into my life to teach me a lesson, and that is all. 

There is no denying that this is an agonizing thing to go through. It inflicts pain, heartache, and if you’re anything like me, a lot of tears. But you see, even though it is a loss, it is also a gain. I either learned something from them or I made room for another friend. This doesn’t make it hurt any less, but I did grow stronger because of it, and for that I am grateful. 

HAVE A GROWTH MINDSET, NOT A FIXED MINDSET

I used to have what is referred to as a fixed mindset. In other words, if I sucked at something, I didn’t think it could be modified. This is what can cause people to stay stagnant. 

One of the many things I used to avoid was writing. It was my worst subject in school, and I simply hated it for that reason. But because my job requires me to write, it wasn’t something I could get away with anymore. I decided to immerse myself in it in every way possible—reading more, writing more, and learning more. I can’t say I am a pro yet, but my writing has immensely flourished since then. 

Use failures or weakness as an opportunity to grow. After all, practice makes perfect. 


And that my friends are 4 life changing lessons that I learned this year. Cheers to the almost new year and many more life lessons to come!

Devon Day

Why ending relationships is an opportunity, not a death sentence

If you're in a relationship and the person does not value you, respect you, or make you happy, please do yourself a huge favor and remove yourself from them. This goes for a friend, significant other, or even a family member. 

I know what you’re probably thinking, it’s a lot easier said than done or maybe you’re even thinking, “Devon, you aren’t a relationship expert” and both of those things are very true. 

It is hard and I am not a relationship expert, but I am sharing this on the behalf of my own personal experiences and on something I strongly stand for - self love. You see, self love isn’t just about loving your body, it embodies far more than that. 

Self love is a lot of things and part of it is knowing that you are worthy and deserving of a relationship that is established upon trust, honesty, respect, appreciation, encouragement and love. And the sad truth is, too many of us are settling for people who do the complete opposite of all of those things. 

When we settle for toxic relationships, it makes us feel less and strips us away from being able to experience what love truly is. 

Trust me, I know that you probably see a lot of potential in the person you are with or in your relationship. You love them or perhaps, you love the idea of what they could be. You are trying to work things out and show them how they can change. 

But, here is something you need to learn, you can take a horse to a watering hole but you can't make them drink the water. In other words, you can't change a person, no matter how much effort you put into them, how hard you try to work things out or show them the way. They have to want to change and want to work things out in order for any progress/change to happen. 

And keep this in mind, when I say that they have to want to change, I really mean that they have to want it for themselves, not just for you. It isn’t them telling you, “I am going to change” just so you will stay with them, please don’t mistake that. They have to want the change for themselves and put in the action steps to make that change.

I won’t be the first to tell you that there are plenty of fish in the sea - I know you’ve heard that before, but it’s true and if you’ve been in more than one relationship, you know this to be true. 

It isn’t easy letting go of a relationship, no matter who it is or what the circumstance is. It’s fucking hard and it will bring heart ache. But aside from it being difficult and heartbreaking, a lot of good will come out of it too and I promise there is more to gain than to lose, such as finding a person that...

You can trust

Brings you happiness

Encourages you 

Supports you

Makes you a priority 

Motivates you

Spends time with you 

Takes care of you

Pleases you 

Believes in you

Is kind to you 

Makes you feel good about yourself

Respects you 

And loves you - wholeheartedly and unconditionally. 

Last but not least, not only is this your opportunity to find a person that provides these qualities but most importantly you will gain self worth and self love. 

So don't you dare settle for less. 

With a whole lot of love,

Devon Day

PSSSTT... If you are going through a breakup or thinking about breaking up with someone, read this blog post on how to get through a breakup. 


Do you want to learn to love your body exactly as it is right now? Keep reading.. 

If you are tired of looking in the mirror feeling like your body isn't enough, this program is for you. If you feel like your body does not live up to society's expectations, this program is for you. If you are ready to feel beautiful and worthy exactly the way you are, then this program is most definitely for you. 

So many of us lack self confidence and struggle with body image, but it’s not our fault that we feel this way. We are constantly told by the media what we should look like so when we don’t live up to those expectations, it makes us feel like we aren’t enough. The media has completely robbed us from realizing our worth.

I decided I wanted to create a program to help women take back what was stolen from us. This is a 6 week program that is designed to help you step back into your power and love your body exactly the way it is. 

I want to love my body NOW!

 

 

How to get through a breakup

I recently went through a breakup about 3 months ago and I admit it wasn't a fun thing to go through. Breakups suck. Whether or not you're the one getting dumped, it's not easy for either person. They are messy, heartbreaking and it takes time to heal from them which is probably the hardest part. 

These past few weeks I've been helping a few of my clients and friends go through breakups which inspired me to write this blog post. So here we go..

TIP #1: Allow yourself to feel your emotions 

If you read my last blog post, you know I'm all about feeling your emotions. While I do think "keeping busy" can help, I don't think you should avoid what you are going through.  When you neglect the situation and ignore what you are going through, you might end up carrying that baggage into another relationship down the road (and you don't want that).

Allow yourself to take a few days or even a week to cry, to feel anger, and to express whatever you are feeling. I know it's not fun and it hurts but it's necessary in order to heal. 

TIP #2: Go on a trip 

Girl, I can't even begin to explain how helpful it is to just leave. Even if it's a mini getaway to a nice hotel or to visit your family in another state, just leave. This gives you the space that you need and will help you clear your mind. Not to mention, who doesn't enjoy a vacation? 

TIP #3: Stop all communication 

Trust me, I know how hard this is but it's very difficult to get over someone when you are in constant contact with them. It's normal to want to call them and try to "work it out" but you can't do this. You need to stop all communication even if that means blocking their number and unfriending them on all social media platforms. 

TIP #4: Spend time with your people

By "your people" I mean family, friends and/or those people in your life who are there for you. They are the people to go to, to lean on, to cry on and to get advice from. They will help you through this so don't take them for granted. 

TIP #5: Spend time alone 

Now this can be another hard thing to do because you might hate the idea of being alone. But I can't stress the importance of this after a breakup.

Instead of fearing the idea of being alone, look at it as a good thing. Being single is a great time for you to focus on yourself. Take the time do things you've always wanted to do, try new things, and do things to help you get to know yourself better. 

I mean you get to do whatever the hell you want, what's not to like? ;)

TIP #6: Get a dog 

Getting a dog is essentially a way of having a new companion without it being a new boyfriend/girlfriend. You'll have something to love on and it'll love you back. It's a total win win. 

TIP #7: Read Power of The Pussy 

Thanks to my friend Danielle, this is easily one of the best female books I've ever read and I think every girl should read this book. I recommended this book to a few of my clients and they both told me how much it's helped them through their break up. 

This book is basically your best friend who tells you what you need to hear. Not only will this help you get through the breakup but you'll gain confidence from it too and realize how worthy you are of amazing love. 

You can order this on Amazon for the kindle version. I am telling you, download this book and start reading!! You can thank me later. 


I hope this helps you if you are currently going through a breakup or getting over one. Please share this with your fellow friends who need some help too! :) 

Last but not least, you'll be okay. 

XO

Devon Day