dealing with a breakup

Choose People Who Choose You

The people you surround yourself with matter.

They can tear you apart, stomp on your confidence, damage your self esteem, try to mold you into something you’re not, shame you for who you are, and spit you out making you feel like you were worth nothing.

I’ve been there. I know what that feels like.

And the magical thing is that you have a choice. You can either keep choosing someone like that, or you can choose someone who:

Heightens your confidence.
Accepts all the quirkiness.
Never puts pressure on you and allows you to make decisions when you’re ready.
Gives you reassurance when you need it most.
Encourages you to do things you’re afraid of, but you know it’s necessary.
Makes you feel safe, especially in your most vulnerable states.
Helps you unpack your own insecurities and never judges you for them.
Reminds you of how much you have to offer the world.
Inspires you to be better.
Empowers you to show up living your truth.
Opens up space for you with nothing but compassion.
Lets you own the fuck out of who you are and never shames you for it.
Buys you Reese’s Cups—not mandatory, but definitely a bonus.

Most importantly, someone who chooses you, for you and never tries to change you. Because darling, you deserve that and nothing less.

You are not under any obligation to stay in a relationship—it is all but a choice.

You don't just hangout with someone, you choose to hangout with someone. You choose to spend your time investing in someone. You choose to be around them and let them be around you.

So take a moment to carefully examine each relationship in your life. Ask yourself:

Do I have to keep my guard up? Or do I feel safe?

Do I show up being my most authentic self? Or do I hide under a mask?

Do they push me to be better? Or shame me instead?

Do they encourage me to play big? Or keep me small?

Do you feel happy the majority of the time? Or sad?

Do they enhance my life? Or detract from it?

Do they invest in our relationship? Or am I the only one putting in effort?

Do they speak truth? Or do they lie?

Do they heighten my confidence? Or belittle me?

Do they add value to my life?

These are all serious questions to consider.

And I want to preference this by saying I know that severing relationships is never easy, but your life will flourish in a myriad of ways when you start choosing people who choose you. So choose wisely and choose carefully.

XO

Devi

How to get through a breakup

I recently went through a breakup about 3 months ago and I admit it wasn't a fun thing to go through. Breakups suck. Whether or not you're the one getting dumped, it's not easy for either person. They are messy, heartbreaking and it takes time to heal from them which is probably the hardest part. 

These past few weeks I've been helping a few of my clients and friends go through breakups which inspired me to write this blog post. So here we go..

TIP #1: Allow yourself to feel your emotions 

If you read my last blog post, you know I'm all about feeling your emotions. While I do think "keeping busy" can help, I don't think you should avoid what you are going through.  When you neglect the situation and ignore what you are going through, you might end up carrying that baggage into another relationship down the road (and you don't want that).

Allow yourself to take a few days or even a week to cry, to feel anger, and to express whatever you are feeling. I know it's not fun and it hurts but it's necessary in order to heal. 

TIP #2: Go on a trip 

Girl, I can't even begin to explain how helpful it is to just leave. Even if it's a mini getaway to a nice hotel or to visit your family in another state, just leave. This gives you the space that you need and will help you clear your mind. Not to mention, who doesn't enjoy a vacation? 

TIP #3: Stop all communication 

Trust me, I know how hard this is but it's very difficult to get over someone when you are in constant contact with them. It's normal to want to call them and try to "work it out" but you can't do this. You need to stop all communication even if that means blocking their number and unfriending them on all social media platforms. 

TIP #4: Spend time with your people

By "your people" I mean family, friends and/or those people in your life who are there for you. They are the people to go to, to lean on, to cry on and to get advice from. They will help you through this so don't take them for granted. 

TIP #5: Spend time alone 

Now this can be another hard thing to do because you might hate the idea of being alone. But I can't stress the importance of this after a breakup.

Instead of fearing the idea of being alone, look at it as a good thing. Being single is a great time for you to focus on yourself. Take the time do things you've always wanted to do, try new things, and do things to help you get to know yourself better. 

I mean you get to do whatever the hell you want, what's not to like? ;)

TIP #6: Get a dog 

Getting a dog is essentially a way of having a new companion without it being a new boyfriend/girlfriend. You'll have something to love on and it'll love you back. It's a total win win. 

TIP #7: Read Power of The Pussy 

Thanks to my friend Danielle, this is easily one of the best female books I've ever read and I think every girl should read this book. I recommended this book to a few of my clients and they both told me how much it's helped them through their break up. 

This book is basically your best friend who tells you what you need to hear. Not only will this help you get through the breakup but you'll gain confidence from it too and realize how worthy you are of amazing love. 

You can order this on Amazon for the kindle version. I am telling you, download this book and start reading!! You can thank me later. 


I hope this helps you if you are currently going through a breakup or getting over one. Please share this with your fellow friends who need some help too! :) 

Last but not least, you'll be okay. 

XO

Devon Day