positive mindset

Question Everything

Have you ever taken the time to question your beliefs? To ask where they come from? Why *you* believe them? Why you judge, reject, and resist anything that counteracts those beliefs? If those beliefs are serving you? And if they’re really even yours to begin with?

Last night over dinner, my friend and I talked about the myriad of ways one can view relationships, politics, sex, body image, and religion.

That the ideas, beliefs, and stories we hold—especially the ones from our earliest years—were given to us; some were even pushed and forced on us. By the culture we’re born into, by our caretakers, by our ancestors, by our teachers, by our friends, by the people we follow on Instagram, by the books we read and the shows we watch.

Many of us never truly acknowledge that. We just believe the things we’ve been told without exploration.

And in a lot of ways that can hurt us. It can lead to unhappiness, insecurity, suffering, closeting, and even, our demise.

To speak from my own experience, I grew up in a religious and conservative household. I was told I needed to go to college to be successful. That having sex with multiple people was a sin. That I shouldn’t cry. That identifying with anything other than straight is wrong and weird. That my worth is placed in my appearance. That I should put others first.

For a awhile, I believed them, I lived then, followed them, and I did—unfortunately—defend them.

And that was before I took the time to unpack them, to realize they’re not mine—they’re someone else’s.

And now those are all beliefs I no longer hold.

I wouldn’t be this sex-positive, body-positive, bisexual, spiritual, monogamish, emotional, ethical slut who puts herself first, if I didn’t take the time to question my own beliefs.

And I can’t stress enough the importance of that for you, too.

To sort through it all—the beliefs about your body, your worth, your religion, your political stance, your insecurities...hell, even your music preferences.

I’m not here to tell you what’s right or what’s wrong, but to remind you to question everything—including and especially the things I say.

To tell you that you get to choose.

F*ck Your Positivity

How many times have you heard the following when you were in the midsts of undesirable situation or an uncomfortable feeling?

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒔𝒆𝒕.
𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇.
𝑩𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆.
𝑩𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍.

Don’t get me wrong, these things 𝘤𝘢𝘯 help.

But, it’s usually not the first solution, especially when you’re so far in it. All these overly optimistic statements are frustrating because it invalidates your pain and someone just slathered simplicity on a complex problem.

And you want nothing more than to tell them and their optimism to fuck all the way off—rightfully so.

You don’t always have to view the world with your rose-colored glasses. You can see things for what they are and accept the fact that the circumstance is undesirable.

There doesn’t have to be a bright side or a positive in everything. It can simply just suck. You can say, “𝖨 𝗁𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌.”

You can complain.
You can cry.
You can panic.
You can scream and stomp your feet and have an outburst of resentment.

You’re feeling your feelings and vocalizing what’s real for you—that’s the healthy thing to do; even when those feelings are full of pain, negativity, and arouse indignation.

Sometimes the answer is to live in the suckage for a day or two and honor it and everything that comes with it.

And only then, when you’ve expressed and released your frustration—it’ll be easier to make that mental shift, or to at least have clarity on what the next solution is to the problem.

This Mindset Shift Will Dramatically Improve Your Life

I used to avoid things I sucked at. Writing? Forget about it. Public speaking? Oh hell no. Dancing? Lol.

I had a fixed mindset. In other words, I believed the fallacy that weaknesses couldn’t be modified, altered, or polished. In my mind, it was: these are the things I suck at and these are the things I’m good at and that’s the way it is. I just had to accept it and stick to my strengths and dodge all my weaknesses whenever they were presented.

This mindset kept me stagnant and stifled my growth. It limited me. I avoided challenges and stopped pursuing certain aspirations. It wasn’t serving me or my life by any means. Eventually, I decided to shift my way of thinking and adapt the growth mindset.

I went from “𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏’𝒕 𝒅𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈” 𝒕𝒐 “𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒏 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈.”

This is a powerful place to operate from and will dramatically transform your life, because...

>> You embrace challenges
>> You’re open to feedback and see criticism as a tool to improve
>> You heighten your confidence
>> You see failure as an opportunity to expand
>> You become multitalented and well-rounded (in my opinion, two very attractive traits 🤤).

As Neil Strauss says, “𝑰 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒇𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆, 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒇𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒐𝒓.” Growth has become a core value of mine, and I’m constantly on the prowl to find and master new skills.

So here’s what I want you to do: think about something you suck at, but wouldn’t mind being good at. Learn it. Study it. And master it.

Be a student of life ⚡️

Have a Better Day Instantly with this Mindset Shift

This morning I woke up late, stubbed my toe, and spilled coffee all over my white shirt within an hour upon waking. I used to let this small cascade of unfortunate events set the tone of my entire day, which typically was, “it’s a really bad day.”

From there, I was operating from a negative head space. And when you’re in that space, anything undesirable that happens—you’re going to look at it and say, “Of course this happened, because it’s a bad day!” When you say it’s a bad day and you’re committed to staying there—you are (sometimes unconsciously) actively looking for things to confirm the narrative as true.

Here’s something I want you to consider, and then internalize:

You have a choice.

You get to decide if it’s a bad day or if it’s a good day. You have complete power of how you respond to any situation, at any given moment. So while you aren’t in control of what happens to you—you are in control of how you respond, react, and feel about it.

No one, and no situation can make you react or feel a certain way—you’re in charge of how you choose to respond and feel (🤯).

Trust me. I get why this is a hard reality to accept, because now the fingers always point back at you. You’re taking radical responsibility for your actions and feelings, which means you have no one else to blame but yourself.

But, when you realize you’re granted with a choice, it‘s a powerful gift that can dramatically alter the trajectory of your life.

The next time something undesirable happens, try this: Separate yourself from the situation. And then let go of what you can’t control and accept what you can—how you respond.

You can choose to play victim OR you can choose to say, “it is what it is” and accept the circumstances without it ruining your entire day.

I choose the latter, how about you?

xx

Devi