processing emotions

To Heal, You Must Feel

A few weeks ago, an unpleasant situation emerged that catalyzed a cascade of emotions:

Anxiety.
Fear.
Panic.
Anger.
Annoyance.
Nervousness.
Embarrassment.
Guilt.
Shame.

And it all spiraled me into the depths of deep and utter sadness. 

Experiencing a range of uncomfortable and painful emotions in one day ain’t fun. It fucking sucks. But, these days do happen and these feelings do occur; not every day is going to be seamless and blissful—some days it’s going to full of disarray, chaos, and disharmony.

So, in the midst of the upheaval, I gave myself permission to express each emotion, without judgement. I screamed and yelled “𝐖𝐓𝐅!” at least five times. I stomped my feet, aggressively. And I shed to tears, numerous times throughout the day.

I sat in the discomfort. I felt each emotion—questioning them, taking time to understand them, figuring out where they’re coming from and what they’re rooted in. In doing so, I emptied myself from them, because to feel them is also to relinquish. From there, my next step in healing was to move forward; to not sit, cling, or stay in my suffering for too long. So, I asked myself, “𝙽𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚍𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍, 𝙳𝚎𝚟𝚘𝚗? 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝‘𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝟷% 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚘𝚗 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜?”

I took the day off. I called a friend. I watched comedy. I journaled. I sang. And I went to bed early.

Everyone’s healing process looks different. But I know one things for certain: to heal you must feel. Too often, we try to run away, numb, deny, or suppress. We think if we avoid it, it’s gone. But in reality, it’s living inside us. It’s bubbling below the surface and you’re carrying the weight of its heaviness.

Cut that shit out, my dear.

Open and unpack the baggage. You’ll feel lighter afterward. I promise.

Hugs,

Devi

Why You Should Cry in Public

I’d be lying if I said moving across the country has been easy, or if I said, “I’m fine.” Because it hasn’t been easy. And I’m not fine.

The day I left the greatest city in the world, and even the week leading up to my departure, I’ve been sitting in pain. In the discomfort. In the unease because of the entirety of the situation.

I’ve cried myself to sleep. And I’ve even allowed myself to cry in the taxi. At the airport. On the plane. At the beach. It doesn’t matter where I am or who I’m with—I let it come pouring out. I refuse to play pretend because to lie to you, but especially to lie to myself, would be denying what’s true for me. What’s real for me. What’s taking place inside me.

Nothing right now feels okay, and to experience that feeling IS okay.

I’m not here to live by the “only positive vibes” motto, because quite frankly, it’s bullshit. I’m here for the bad vibes. For the sad vibes. For the negative vibes. And for the painful vibes, too.

I’m here to express and embody the full spectrum of emotions we as human beings can experience. And should experience.

It’s not healthy to suppress what’s coming up for you. To deny yourself the experience to feel whatever is bubbling below the surface is to deny yourself the process of healing and the opportunity to grow.

Feel whatever you’re feeling without judgement, or resistance, or denial. Show up with it. Sit with it. Question it. Ask why it’s here and what it’s here to teach you.

Walk through the wilderness of discomfort, because it’s a vital part of your expansion.

And remember—it’s all ephemeral.

With so much love,

Devi