slut shaming

What "Slut" Means to Me

I’m a slut and I’d like to expand on what that exactly means.

So...let’s start with this: 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒔𝒍𝒖𝒕,𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒘𝒂𝒚? To me, a slut is a term used to describe how a women shows up sexually, which can look different from person to person.

Let me explain:

Most people assume a slut is a woman who’s constantly on the prowl to get fucked and tends to have one night stands frequently. And sure, it 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 mean that. Some women LOVE novelty regularly, which is totally okay and cool and her preference.

But.

There’s also the woman who considers herself slutty, and yet, she absolutely hates one night stands (oh, hey. It’s me 🙋‍♀️). They’re sexually open, dress provocatively, and love to fuck. They just would rather spend quality time with someone and really get to know them before engaging in an interaction.

As I’ve stated, a slut can look entirely different from person to person and means a myriad of things. Neither scenarios are wrong or right, better or worse. They’re just personal preferences and those preferences vary.

Just because a woman doesn’t sleep around does NOT set her on a moral high ground. And if a woman does sleep around it does NOT mean she lacks disrespect for herself. It’s simply her choice and what she enjoys.

So, back to my original point: I’m a slut, proudly and unapologetically. However, it took work to get here. I had to spend time reclaiming the word, because quite frankly the notion that a woman is “dirty” for showing off her body or sleeping with people just didn’t sit right with me. Society conditioned me to believe it‘s inappropriate, but IT’S NOT.

A woman is allowed to explore her sexuality in whatever way feels most authentic to her, and whatever that looks like is her choice; her choice is not wrong nor does it mean anything other than what she wants it to mean.

And to me being a slut means, I’m sexually open and embrace the fuck out of it. That’s it.

What Happened When I Entered a Polyamorous Relationship

In January of 2018, I started dating not one, but two people. I entered into a polyamorous relationship with an established couple. We became what’s a triad: a configuration in which all three of us were dating each other, equally.

The relationship was unconventional, and beautiful, and challenging. But I loved it, even the messiness of it. I loved it so much, I decided to pack my bags in Ohio—the place I lived since the day I was born—to move to NYC to live with them.

That decision set off a cascade of events. There was almost never a humdrum moment. Some of it was joyful. Some of it was painful. All of it was awakening.

I really didn’t know what I was getting into, but, I mean...do we ever? 🤷‍♀️

It worked for awhile. And then it didn’t. One person left. And then there were two. That worked awhile. And then it didn’t.

I often credit NYC for breaking me open—and don’t get me wrong, it did. But, fuck, these two people broke me open in more ways than anything in my life ever has.

When I reflect back on how I’ve changed this past year, those changes all track back to them and my decision to be with them. They were highlight and very much the center of my 2018.

They pushed me in ways I needed, including the ones I wasn’t aware I needed. They loved me so much, it made ME love me so much. They showed me the world with a different lens. And through that lens, I saw things more clearly and with greater understanding. It brought questions. And lessons. It stretched me. It transformed me.

Devon then compared to Devon now isn’t remotely the same.

She’s smarter. She’s braver. She’s stronger. She’s bisexual. She’s monoga-mish. She’s sluttier (but with strong boundaries). She’s unapologetic. She’s weirder. She’s sillier. She’s louder.

She knows what she wants and asks for it, even when trepidation sits inside her. She operates from her own agency, standing powerfully in her autonomy.

She’s shifted into an entirely new way of being—something brighter.

And so much more herself.

And fuck, she is ever grateful. I’m grateful for them and everything they brought. 2018 was a was a life altering experience and a year I’ll never forget.

Thank you 2018. I’m ready to harness this potent power, this magic, this new way of being in 2019.

Happy New Year.

Love,

Devi