Mindset // Mental Health

F*ck Being the Cool Girl.

𝙁𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 “𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗼𝗹 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹.”

Fuck being that girl who forgets about *her* standards; who dismisses someone’s wrongdoings; who doesn’t want to come off confrontational, dramatic, bitchy, toooo much.

The one who sits there and questions...

𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘰𝘶𝘵? 𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘯𝘰? 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘯𝘰? 𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭? 𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘶𝘱 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥? 𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵?

...and then concludes the questioning with, “nah, just be cool.”

FUCK THAT.

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

If you’re constantly playing it cool, being the easy-going, people-pleaser—you’re not going to receive the treatment you want and inevitably will wind up disappointed.

Being the “girl cool” is basically saying... I don’t respect myself. I don’t have beliefs or values that oppose yours, I agree with everything you say. I don’t have standards or boundaries so you can do whatever you want, and I’ll be okay with it. You can show up whenever it’s convenient for you, and I’ll be available.

It’s time to stop putting on the “girl cool” facade and pretending like it’s all okay, when you know it’s not.

Be the girl who stands up for yourself.
The girl who speaks up and vocalizes when things aren’t okay.
The girl who declares boundaries and stands firmly behind them, especially when they’re pushed.
The girl who doesn’t tolerate shitty treatment. The girl who is smart enough, strong enough, and brave enough to walk away because her worth isn’t defined by someone else. Because she knows she deserves better. Because she knows what she wants and won’t settle for less.

You’re a goddamn queen, not the cool girl.

Ya hear me?

"But, I Can't Dance."

How many of you avoid dancing because you subscribe to the belief that, “𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦” or “𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳?”

🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

For as long as I can remember, that was the exact story I kept telling myself. Dancing felt awkward, uncomfortable, and the thought perpetually playing in my head would be, “𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘐’𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨.”

And to a certain degree, I still don’t. But the difference between now and then isn’t that I know how to dance with these fluid, choreographed motions—it’s that I let go; let go of what I think I’m supposed to look like and let go of how others might perceive me.

You don’t have to be a dancer to move your body to a song, boo—𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞.

All you have to do is move your body in whatever way feels right and sometimes it might look weird and silly and that’s perfectly okay.

Dancing is a beautiful way to express yourself, foster a deeper connection with your body, and most importantly bring you to the present moment.

Do it. Dance. Freely. Habitually. It’s good for your soul.

xx

Devi

Are You Playing Victim?

On November 19th of last year, I left Manhattan, a relationship, and my best friends to move across the country to a place I’d only ever visited once.

I was feeling...heartbroken, afraid, proud, uncertain, overwhelmed, hopeful...all the things; all of them except, ready.

Moving to the city was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made—so was leaving. And that wasn’t exactly a choice I wanted to make, but it was one I knew I needed to make.

I no longer wanted to watch myself play victim as I crumbled in the process of it.

I couldn’t bare to hear myself complain and repeat the same conversation about what I wasn’t happy with one more time.

I was done pretending like I couldn’t fix what was happening. Done acting like I could point fingers, when in reality...there was only one person to blame and that was myself.

Because ultimately, it was my choice. It was my decision to stay in a place with a person who hurt me, repeatedly.

And so I *finally* decided that I didn’t want what I was choosing and I chose something else and that’s when I chose California.

Choices like these aren’t always easy. And even when we know it’s a choice we need to make, we can feel resistant and dubious about our decision—I for sure did.

Sometimes I wish people could’ve see me when I was in the middle of my suffering.

To hear the several conversations I exchanged with friends complaining about the exact same problem and not creating any solutions.

To feel the strength of the fear sitting inside me when I decided to move. To witness the many times I almost convinced myself to stay.

To watch me cry the minute I left my NYC apartment until I rested my head on the pillow and fell asleep in my new & empty Cali apartment.

To realize that I’m just as guilty of playing victim, too. To know I struggled, because IG didn’t capture that. But it is the truth and I’m sharing that with you now.

Sharing because I want to encourage you to do the same. To leave whatever it is that’s hurting you—people, places, jobs, thoughts, beliefs—because you deserve it. Because there’s more to this life than what you’ve been choosing. 🖤

It’s not going to be easy, but it is going to be worth it.

Question Everything

Have you ever taken the time to question your beliefs? To ask where they come from? Why *you* believe them? Why you judge, reject, and resist anything that counteracts those beliefs? If those beliefs are serving you? And if they’re really even yours to begin with?

Last night over dinner, my friend and I talked about the myriad of ways one can view relationships, politics, sex, body image, and religion.

That the ideas, beliefs, and stories we hold—especially the ones from our earliest years—were given to us; some were even pushed and forced on us. By the culture we’re born into, by our caretakers, by our ancestors, by our teachers, by our friends, by the people we follow on Instagram, by the books we read and the shows we watch.

Many of us never truly acknowledge that. We just believe the things we’ve been told without exploration.

And in a lot of ways that can hurt us. It can lead to unhappiness, insecurity, suffering, closeting, and even, our demise.

To speak from my own experience, I grew up in a religious and conservative household. I was told I needed to go to college to be successful. That having sex with multiple people was a sin. That I shouldn’t cry. That identifying with anything other than straight is wrong and weird. That my worth is placed in my appearance. That I should put others first.

For a awhile, I believed them, I lived then, followed them, and I did—unfortunately—defend them.

And that was before I took the time to unpack them, to realize they’re not mine—they’re someone else’s.

And now those are all beliefs I no longer hold.

I wouldn’t be this sex-positive, body-positive, bisexual, spiritual, monogamish, emotional, ethical slut who puts herself first, if I didn’t take the time to question my own beliefs.

And I can’t stress enough the importance of that for you, too.

To sort through it all—the beliefs about your body, your worth, your religion, your political stance, your insecurities...hell, even your music preferences.

I’m not here to tell you what’s right or what’s wrong, but to remind you to question everything—including and especially the things I say.

To tell you that you get to choose.

Why Are We Embarrassed?

Has it ever occurred to you how silly it is that we get embarrassed about our bodies doing things that every single body does?

Embarrassed about aging. Saggy boobs. Wrinkles. Grey hair. Uneven skin tone. Acne. Scars. Fat. Cellulite. Stretch marks.

Embarrassed about bodily functions and all the inner workings of our body. Embarrassed to pass gas, have boogers, burp, bloat, queef.

Embarrassed about pubic hair, only then to be embarrassed about the razor burn from cutting the pubic hair.

Embarrassed to have sex because our partner can see all our “imperfections.”

As if none of it’s natural, or normal, or supposed to happen. As if no one else experiences it, except you.

Don’t let this perfectly curated and heavily photoshopped Instagram era make you forget how normal you are 😘 #malleable #onlyhuman

xx

Devi

F*ck Your Positivity

How many times have you heard the following when you were in the midsts of undesirable situation or an uncomfortable feeling?

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒔𝒆𝒕.
𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇.
𝑩𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆.
𝑩𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍.

Don’t get me wrong, these things 𝘤𝘢𝘯 help.

But, it’s usually not the first solution, especially when you’re so far in it. All these overly optimistic statements are frustrating because it invalidates your pain and someone just slathered simplicity on a complex problem.

And you want nothing more than to tell them and their optimism to fuck all the way off—rightfully so.

You don’t always have to view the world with your rose-colored glasses. You can see things for what they are and accept the fact that the circumstance is undesirable.

There doesn’t have to be a bright side or a positive in everything. It can simply just suck. You can say, “𝖨 𝗁𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌.”

You can complain.
You can cry.
You can panic.
You can scream and stomp your feet and have an outburst of resentment.

You’re feeling your feelings and vocalizing what’s real for you—that’s the healthy thing to do; even when those feelings are full of pain, negativity, and arouse indignation.

Sometimes the answer is to live in the suckage for a day or two and honor it and everything that comes with it.

And only then, when you’ve expressed and released your frustration—it’ll be easier to make that mental shift, or to at least have clarity on what the next solution is to the problem.

The No-Bra Movement

After my last #TeamNoBra post, some people either misinterpreted my message or missed the entire point of the post. So, I’d like to expand on that.

The no bra movement isn’t necessarily about not wearing a bra, it’s about asking yourself *why* you’re wearing it.

Most women I’ve talked to don’t want to wear a bra, but feel pressured to for whatever reason they do.

If you have bigger boobs like me, you might feel you need to buy bras to conceal them because showing them is inappropriate, slutty, and means that you’re asking for attention (this one irks me 🙄).

Or, you might have smaller boobs and don’t feel like you’re “womanly” enough so you buy a bra to make them appear larger.

Perhaps, you have one boob that’s bigger than the other and you buy bras to make them look perfectly symmetrical.

Whatever the case may be, it’s just another way of society telling women how they should look and how they should show up and if they don’t, it’s wrong and needs to be fixed.

“Make your boobs perkier...bigger...smaller...
symmetrical...conceal your nipples.”

^^ that’s the fucked up part, that’s the part I’m not okay with.

You shouldn’t feel obligated, because it’s your body and you get to make the rules. And you definitely shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed for the way your body looks.

So, I want you to sit with this for a minute or two. Really examine if you feel you need a bra. If you want a bra. If you like a bra. Or if you wanna say, "fuck a bra."

And, again, there's no right answer. Some women love bras. For some women, they really do alleviate some back pain. For others, they feel a bit more comfortable.

None of that is wrong, because it's right for them. But those are all individual cases for individual women who've asked themselves the question and come to their own conclusion to guide their decision. That's the important thing.

That’s all I want you to do. I'm not telling you to burn your bras or toss them out, or to immediately stop buying them. I'm just asking you to take a minute and really think about why you’re wearing it.

xx

Devi


I Refuse to Wear Bras

How many times have you said, “I can’t wait to get home and take this bra off?” 🙋‍♀️.

In October of 2017, after a decade of struggling with bras and actively hating a piece of my daily wardrobe, I finally decided: Fuck it. I’m done complaining, I’m not putting this thing on anymore.

And let me tell you: I haven't looked back once.

Truthfully, I think bras are a hassle; buying one is a chore and wearing one is uncomfortable. And in my opinion, there is no such thing as a comfortable bra—they're restricting and I don’t like the way they hug my around my rib cage.

Besides, bras aren’t designed to your advantage. They were designed to cover up the natural shape of your breasts. To make them appear “larger,” “perkier,” or “symmetrical.” To either minimize or maximize them. And to conceal your nipples.

At the root of it, it’s just another way to make you feel insecure about your body by telling you that your body is wrong and needs to be changed.

And aside from all of that, they offer NO benefit.

According to Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, a researcher at Besançon CHU:

“Medically, physiologically, anatomically – breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity. On the contrary, they get saggier with a bra.” ⠀ “Not wearing a bra will lead to increased collagen production and elasticity, which improves lift in a developing breast.”

Darling, you and I are under no obligation to wear a bra, to cover our nipples, or change the natural shape of our breasts.

Now, to be clear: I’m not saying you "shouldn’t" wear a bra. I'm just telling you that you don’t have to, that you should stand powerfully in your autonomy instead of adhering to a social norm that claims your boobs are "wrong."

Because they aren't.
Every single pair looks different. None of them are wrong, right, better, or worse—they're all just normal.
The size, the shape, the color, the way they hang—normal.

So, the next time you’re about to put on a bra, ask yourself, “Am I doing this for me? Or am I doing this because I feel forced to?”

Because only you get to decide what you put on your body, simply because it’s your body. Capiche?

Battling Depression & Seeking Support

Recently, I experienced depression in a way I’ve never felt before. It was darker, heavier, and emptier than ever.

I’m no stranger to seasonal depression, but this state wasn’t that. It was something entirely different—and for me, far more intense. I didn’t just feel low, I felt empty.

It felt like a dementor came and sucked the life right out of me.

Everything felt unusually challenging. From writing, to using words...to thinking of words. From easy day-to-day tasks, to showing up to things that usually fill me up. From hanging out with friends, to just texting friends.

Even the simple act of moving my body from the bed suddenly wasn’t so simple.

It was all too much and too hard. It was paralyzing and isolating.

The newness of this feeling for me is what made the navigation of it so challenging; I hated that, because I couldn’t help myself and I’m typically really good at processing my emotions on my own.

And the heavier it got, the more I wanted to barricade in my bedroom and hide.

Reaching out didn’t feel like an option. And that was also strange, because I’m not one who shies away from support.

“Fuck. What is this. Why can’t I bring myself to do anything.”

Luckily, in that time, I had people who knew something wasn’t okay.

And it then became clear to me: depression is a feeling that requires support and that’s the hardest thing to ask for when you’re in that closed off space.

You want nothing more than to escape, to hide, and to shut off.

But I want to encourage you to send that text. To say, “Hey, I need support.” “Hey, I need a push.” “Hey, I need comfort.” “Hey, I need loved.”

To ask people to checkin and provide that help when you’re struggling to move from the bed.

You’re not a burden. You’re a human, experiencing an emotion that requires love, support, and connection.

But this post isn’t just for those who experience depression, this post is especially for those who know those who experience depression. Reach out. Checkin in. Consistently. Regularly. Let them know they’re loved and supported.

We’re in this together. We need each other.

Devi

Dear Restrictive Diets

Dear restrictive diets,

It’s not me, it’s you. You’re controlling, demanding, and require too much of my attention.

I did my absolute best to show up and listen to your requirements, but it was never good enough. If I wasn’t perfect, I needed to do better. You failed to acknowledge the improvements I did make, and only focused on what I did wrong.

I’m tired of feeling anxious about constantly trying to be punctilious with your rules and the guilt that comes with it when I’m not.

I’m sick of hearing I’d look better if I lost weight.

I’m done listening to you when it comes to what I can and can’t do. I have a life to live and you can’t be holding me back from experiencing it.

I’m going to listen to my intuition instead of your arbitrary rules. I’m going to live my life in accordance to what empowers me, my body, and my life.

It’s over.
Devi

Whose with me? Show of hands if you’re breaking up with restrictive diets too 🙋‍♀️

If you want to learn a better approach, join my free course: Master Your Mindset for Ultimate Fat Loss. I’ll teach you how to lose body fat without following restrictive protocols AND teach you how to accept your body before you lose a single pound 🖤😘