Recently, I experienced depression in a way I’ve never felt before. It was darker, heavier, and emptier than ever.
I’m no stranger to seasonal depression, but this state wasn’t that. It was something entirely different—and for me, far more intense. I didn’t just feel low, I felt empty.
It felt like a dementor came and sucked the life right out of me.
Everything felt unusually challenging. From writing, to using words...to thinking of words. From easy day-to-day tasks, to showing up to things that usually fill me up. From hanging out with friends, to just texting friends.
Even the simple act of moving my body from the bed suddenly wasn’t so simple.
It was all too much and too hard. It was paralyzing and isolating.
The newness of this feeling for me is what made the navigation of it so challenging; I hated that, because I couldn’t help myself and I’m typically really good at processing my emotions on my own.
And the heavier it got, the more I wanted to barricade in my bedroom and hide.
Reaching out didn’t feel like an option. And that was also strange, because I’m not one who shies away from support.
“Fuck. What is this. Why can’t I bring myself to do anything.”
Luckily, in that time, I had people who knew something wasn’t okay.
And it then became clear to me: depression is a feeling that requires support and that’s the hardest thing to ask for when you’re in that closed off space.
You want nothing more than to escape, to hide, and to shut off.
But I want to encourage you to send that text. To say, “Hey, I need support.” “Hey, I need a push.” “Hey, I need comfort.” “Hey, I need loved.”
To ask people to checkin and provide that help when you’re struggling to move from the bed.
You’re not a burden. You’re a human, experiencing an emotion that requires love, support, and connection.
But this post isn’t just for those who experience depression, this post is especially for those who know those who experience depression. Reach out. Checkin in. Consistently. Regularly. Let them know they’re loved and supported.
We’re in this together. We need each other.