Three Ways to Practice Body Acceptance

Do I love my stretch marks and cellulite? No, I don’t love them—I also don’t hate them. I just accept them and I’m okay with the fact that they’re there.

Self love and body acceptance doesn't exactly mean loving every single part of your body. And this might catch you by surprise because it seems to go against everything that love and acceptance stands for—but it’s not.

It’s not about learning to love and romanticize over something you don’t like. It’s about normalizing it, accepting it for what it is and not letting it define you.

Instead of trying to “love” something you don’t love, try this instead:

1. Bring awareness to it without judging it or linking it to a negative meaning. If you see cellulite, call it for what it is, rather than saying something like: gross, disgusting, ugly. Keep it at cellulite without the self sabotaging story attached to it.

2. Normalize it and accept it for what it is. Remind yourself that rolls, folds, and dimples are just normal things that your body creates.

3. Don’t attach it to your worth. It doesn’t deem you as unworthy and it doesn’t represent your beauty. These things are apart of your body, but they certainly don’t define it.



For more tools on body acceptance, click here to take my FREE body confidence course.

Love,

Devi

Why You Should Cry in Public

I’d be lying if I said moving across the country has been easy, or if I said, “I’m fine.” Because it hasn’t been easy. And I’m not fine.

The day I left the greatest city in the world, and even the week leading up to my departure, I’ve been sitting in pain. In the discomfort. In the unease because of the entirety of the situation.

I’ve cried myself to sleep. And I’ve even allowed myself to cry in the taxi. At the airport. On the plane. At the beach. It doesn’t matter where I am or who I’m with—I let it come pouring out. I refuse to play pretend because to lie to you, but especially to lie to myself, would be denying what’s true for me. What’s real for me. What’s taking place inside me.

Nothing right now feels okay, and to experience that feeling IS okay.

I’m not here to live by the “only positive vibes” motto, because quite frankly, it’s bullshit. I’m here for the bad vibes. For the sad vibes. For the negative vibes. And for the painful vibes, too.

I’m here to express and embody the full spectrum of emotions we as human beings can experience. And should experience.

It’s not healthy to suppress what’s coming up for you. To deny yourself the experience to feel whatever is bubbling below the surface is to deny yourself the process of healing and the opportunity to grow.

Feel whatever you’re feeling without judgement, or resistance, or denial. Show up with it. Sit with it. Question it. Ask why it’s here and what it’s here to teach you.

Walk through the wilderness of discomfort, because it’s a vital part of your expansion.

And remember—it’s all ephemeral.

With so much love,

Devi

How to Make a Salad Satisfying and Tasty

If you’re eating a plate full of spinach, topped with bland chicken, drizzled with a light dressing or skipping the dressing all together—I don’t blame you for complaining about how salads taste horrible and leave you feeling hungry still.

You’re just eating leaves with flavorless protein—of course you don’t want to eat a salad.

When you salad the right way, it’s satisfying and it’s delicious. So Ima teach you how to do that.

Here’s how:

𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗣 𝟭:

Grab a big bowl because you’re about to make a big ass salad. BIG.

𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗣 𝟮:

Start with the base, which is obvi, the leafy greens—spinach, spring mix, arugula, romain, kale.

𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗣 𝟯:

Pack it with veggies—cabbage, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, pickles, tomatoes, onions, peppers, broccoli.

𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗣 𝟰:

Flavor it up with a serving or two of fat—avocado, cheese, olives, drizzle of oil, bacon, hard boiled eggs.

𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗣 𝟱:

Add in some carbs—potatoes, fresh fruit, corn, quinoa, beans, tortilla chips.

**𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 — 𝘐 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘥𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘴. 𝘐𝘵 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳***

𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗣 𝟲:

Bulk it up with protein—chicken, ground beef, pork, steak, canned tuna, shrimp, salmon.

𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗣 𝟳:

Dress it up with: a low cal dressing, vinegar, spritz of citrus, salt, pepper, and/or herbs.

And just like that, you like salads...it’s almost like a put a spell on you 🤫⚡️🧙🏽‍

Dear Victoria Secret, Lack of Diversity is a Problem.

I was 15 years old when I became infatuated with the models from the VS Fashion Show.

I wanted to look like them. Be like them.

And so obviously, I did everything I could to achieve my desire. I vividly remember typing into Google, “Adriana Lima’s and Miranda Kerr’s diet and workout routine.”

I followed the plans strictly, and yet it never worked. My body got smaller, but it definitely didn’t morph into a replica of a VS angel.

As a result, I moved into heavier extremes. Dangerous ones even. From eating *just* baby food to eating nothing at all (or at least trying not to).

Again, never actualizing the body I dreamed of no matter how hard I tried. I was frustrated and filled with deep hatred toward myself and my body.

“Why can’t my body just look like them?”

I had no real understanding of anatomy at the time. I couldn’t comprehend no matter how hard I tried, my build and genetic make-up are completely different. And for so long, I thought those differences made me unworthy.

But at the root of it all, while the misunderstanding of anatomy certainly factored in, it was more about the lack of diversity I saw as a young girl. I didn’t see other bodies being celebrated; I only saw one.

If I wanted to be beautiful and worthy—I was conditioned to believe I had to look like an angel. And it saddens me that even to this day, Victoria Secret refuses to diversify the company. You’d think a company that has so much power would want to help change that narrative—not continue to enable it.

While they’re under no obligation to do so, saying the reason not to is because the show is a “fantasy” supports that fucked up narrative. And in a real way, dehumanizes so many of us.

Despite being extremely disappointed in the company, I’m proud to see people vocalize against it and stand together on this.

We’re all worthy of being celebrated. Every size, every shape, every color, every identity.


I love you,

Devi


WANT TO LEARN HOW TO FEEL CONFIDENT IN YOUR BODY AS IT IS? CLICK HERE AND TAKE MY FREE BODY CONFIDENCE CHALLENGE.

Relinquish and Come This Way

I’m giving you permission. Permission to relinquish the thing(s) that are no longer serving you—or perhaps never were.

The stories. The beliefs. The people. All the things causing you an unbearable amount of pain.

Release your grip.
Lay it down.
Let it go.

I know. Sometimes 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 easier to cradle the suffering. Easier because it can be used as an excuse. Used as a way to attach to the narratives you perpetually feed into. Used to get out of taking responsibility. Used to blame. Used to point.

Used to avoid change and growth, for the sake of familiarity and uncertainty.

But your resistance to give it up is the very reason the fire grows bigger. Stronger. More intense. It’s the reason everything is crumbling and burning to ash. Keeping it only fuels the fire.

You don’t need to spiral down the path of ongoing misery.

Relinquish and come this way. Hold my hand and join me, my darling.

Let’s take radical responsibility and pick up our feet to walk into a new direction. Use our hands to write a different story. Use our awareness to detach and recreate entirely new beliefs.

Through this awakening, you and I will step into a space full of freedom, bliss, and serenity.

Are you ready for beauty to blossom?

If you’re ready to live an Empowered life, click here and walk with me. I’ll hold your hand and show you the way.

Talk soon,

Devi

Fostering Friendships on Bumble

Throughout most of life, our friends are chosen for us by virtue of proximity. As a child, your best friend is the kid next door. As a teenager, your friend group is mostly made up of people at your school. In college, you befriend the people who—by sheer happenstance—happen to be the same floor of your dorm.

After college, you become friends with people at work.

Proximity, repeated exposure, and familiarity form the basis of our early relationships—that’s what makes making friends easy. Your friends tend to stay in your life because you want them there, but gaining admittance was just luck of the draw.

Once you’re past all that, things change.

As an adult, you don’t have the same repeated exposure. If you want to build deep relationships with amazing people, you can’t rely exclusively on work or school or geography to create the opportunity to meet someone.

When I left Columbus for NYC, I was moving away from a familiar place full of a lifetime of friends to a new city with barely any.

And if you’ve never had to make new friends as an adult, let me assure you, it’s HARD. Especially when you’re self employed.

I had no specific hub where I might meet someone. I couldn’t just wait to meet someone at a coffee shop.

Adult friendships don’t just happen; you’ve got to be proactive about it.

So, I did the logical thing and hopped on Bumble BFF…

…which turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life.

A few fateful swipes found me at a wine bar, sitting next to the amazing human, Cynthia.

And here’s the thing, with Bumble, you can meet someone once and never see them again. There’s no obligation or requirement—just pure choice. She isn’t in my life because of school or work, she’s in my life because she chose me and I chose her. And there’s so much beauty in that.

To fostering connections,

Devi

Four Ways to Stay Motivated and Hold Yourself Accountable

“BUT HOW DO I STAY MOTIVATED?”

You don’t.

Sometimes you’ll be motivated, and sometimes you won’t. That’s the reality of motivation, it sporadically shows up and vanishes within a second.

I know you’re familiar with this inevitable truth, because you’ve perpetually found yourself saying, “Ehh. I don’t feel like it today.” only a couple days after saying, “I’m so motivated to crush this!”

Motivation is without a doubt the most unreliable source to depend on; it’s capricious by nature and the lifespan is quite unpredictable and usually ephemeral.

This, my darling, this is why you need more than than just your aspiration to succeed—you need accountability. Something or someone to hold you responsible—especially on the days you don’t feel like it.

Because, lets face the obvious, it doesn’t matter how much you want something, there will be days—even weeks—when you don’t want to put in the work to get that something.

So, yeah, accountability.

Here’s how you can create it:

ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER:

There’s something powerful about having someone in your corner, giving you that little nudge to take action. To put in the work. To do the damn thing.

Rather that someone is just sending you a daily text or actually doing the work with you—it becomes seemingly easier to do it with someone by your side.

I know for me, working out with someone, as opposed to doing the whole solo thing is far more easier and enjoyable.

Two is better than one.

HIRE A COACH:

Hiring a coach is one of the best investments you can make for innumerable reasons. The investment itself holds you accountable, because if you’re like the majority, you don’t want your money to go to waste. And in addition to that, you’re coach is checking in with you and helping you create a plan of execution when you’re in the midst of turbulence.

All and all, they keep you on track and help you proceed with purpose.

ANNOUNCE IT TO THE PUBLIC

You’re more likely to follow through when you tell various people what you’re working toward. It’s called the power of social expectations.

This is why starting a fitness IG account or simply proclaiming your goals on social media is such an impactful weapon.

You see, it isn’t that you’re saying your goal—it’s that you’ve declared it to the public and now you have people watching you—people who aren’t you and that’s important.

You’re drive is automatically heightened when other people are involved. You don’t want to let them down and you certainly don’t want to look like a failure.

CREATE AN INCENTIVE

Rewards make you work harder to get what you want. And sure, while the end goal is, in a way, the reward—having little incentives along the way to complete those mundane tasks is certainly persuasive.

This could be daily, weekly, or even monthly rewards. They can be both small or big.

Lulu Lemon leggings always convince me. It’s my own form of manipulation to get anything done.

There you have it. Four effective ways to help you get shit done when you don’t feel like it.

xx

Devi

The Best Thing to Do When You're on Your Period.

You are bloated, uncomfortable and emotional. Your are more prone to feeling sensitive and vulnerable. Your productivity is shot to shit, and the only thing you can fathom doing is laying in bed, eating copious amounts of food—preferably coated in chocolate. All while simultaneously having blood flow out of your body.

This happens every month.

Rather than demanding yourself to push through it, to sack up—slow down and actually listen. Let your body rest, let her bleed, give her love. Give yourself permission to do the thing that is going to make you feel better.

You're probably feeling one or all of these things below, and this is how I want you to handle it:


“I feel disgusting”

You’re experiencing discomfort throughout your body. You feel heavy, bloated, boggled down with cramps, and suddenly you catch yourself looking in the mirror in utter disgust.

You are faced with body image issues, perhaps more than you’re used to.

Remind yourself that this is part of menstruation—this is how your body reacts. Don’t let something natural be accompanied with shame, embarrassment and self sabotage. Instead, proceed with consideration and compassion.

You can bring awareness to the change, without attaching it to a meaning. Instead of saying, “Ew. Gross. I am so bloated.” You can objectify it and say, “I am bloated because of my period. This is normal.”

Detach from the notion that implies your body’s biology is disgusting. You’re body is beautiful and so is the nature of it’s inner workings.

“I don’t want to move.”

Working out is beneficial, but it can also feel unbearable—especially when the flow is heavy. Rather than forcing yourself to exercise intensely, exercise intuitively.

The first couple of days might call for doing something easygoing. You’re body could be asking, “Hey, you. Can we do something laid-back today?”

Listening to your body’s intuition—she is communicating with you and it’s your job to honor her needs.

If she is asking you to slow down, you need to do exactly that. Self care isn’t always about vigorous exercise, sometimes it’s the exact opposite. Try going for a walk in mother nature or flowing through a vinyasa — move your body in a way that feels right. It could be something intense, but it could be something light. Let go of the narrative that’s telling you what you’re doing isn’t enough, because adhering to your body’s needs is more than enough.

“I want to eat everything!”

You’re hungrier and have more cravings than usual. While gluttony isn’t the answer, eating slightly a bit more could be. If you feel like consuming more food or need to have chocolate single night, do it—just don’t over do it.

Everything in moderation is fine. Restriction never works, especially on your period.

“Why am I crying?”

You don’t need to hide your emotions under a mask or have a justifiable reason as to why you feel the way you do. Cry for absolutely no reason, shred to tears, pour it all out.

It’s okay, you’re allowed.

 

All and all, you’re probably going to be moving less, eating more, feeling emotional AF. But, be kind to yourself, baby girl, because all of that is perfectly okay.


Want to learn how to feel confident in your body, just as it is? Join my 5 day FREE body confidence course by clicking here.

How I Overcome an Eating Disorder & Body Dysmorphia - Podcast With Fitfluential

In this interview with FitFluential, I discussed how I overcame an eating disorder and body dysmorphia. Tune in to hear my story and the tools I used to work through it by listening to the link below.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • How my parents raised me and how I got into fitness.
  • The moment that made me realize I needed to change.
  • How I felt every day when I still had an eating disorder.
  • Why being too strict about your fitness is mentally damaging.
  • My binge-triggers and how I recovered from it.
  • Why I stopped doing cardio.
  • My thoughts on body type trends and acceptance.

Key Takeaways:

  • When you find what makes you happy, it’s a million times easier to stick to it.
  • Stressing over your health and fitness is still stress.
  • We’re relying too much on other people’s external validations.

Bisexuality - My Story.

It’s not unusual for anyone to look at an attractive person and recognize that individual is objectively beautiful. But there’s always been so much more to it wrapped up in that admission for me.

For a while, as I struggled with my eating disorder, admiration was colored with jealousy from a lack of self-esteem. Acknowledging another woman’s beauty in some way diminished my own: she was prettier, thinner, sexier, whatever-er. The negative self-talk hid a lot of things.

Coming to love my body changed everything for me. I no longer spent energy hating myself, I could focus it on discovering myself.

I began to accept and love who I am in other ways. Including my sexuality. Once I stopped hating myself for the way I looked, it was easier to simply appreciate another woman’s beauty instead letting it detract from how I felt about myself.

Accepting your sexuality is different for everyone. For some, it’s always been obvious. For others, it’s a process, one of both development and discovery.

For me, once the veil of *something* had been lifted and I no longer viewed other woman with jealousy, I realized I was looking at them with something else. And that I had always looked at them that way; I just didn’t allow myself to see it.

“Wow, she’s gorgeous.” I was saying the same words as my friends if we were looking at the same woman. But I became more and more aware that for me, it meant something very different. It was more than admiration or objective analysis.

I wasn’t just seeing that she was beautiful—I was seeing that she was beautiful and I wanted her. Wanted to talk to her, to flirt with her, to kiss her. When I looked at certain women, I felt all the things: the butterflies, the nervousness, the beautiful trepidation that comes with any crush. Whatever magic comes into being whenever you realize you like someone, want someone—I was feeling that with women.

Yet it was a feeling I shut off and shoved down for the longest time. Part of this was the eating disorder, and the way viewing myself through its lens forced me to view other people.

But there was more to it, so much more. Like so many of us, I thought it was wrong. Not necessarily wrong in the absolute sense. But for me. Wrong for me to feel it, to want it, to want to feel it. And especially to express it.

I was influenced by my Catholic upbringing, and while I wasn’t exposed to what you’d call overt homophobia, I was being convinced to think that ALL of my sexual urges were wrong. That I should want to be with just one person, one man—for the purpose of getting married and having children.

Contrasted with this, I had an experience watching a same-sex relationships. After my mothers divorce, my mother began dating a woman. In our conversations during that time, though she never referred to herself as bi/queer/pansexual etc, she revealed to me that she’d had other relationships with women throughout her life. While that should have in some way made it easier for me to accept and declare my own sexual identity, it had the opposite effect. My mother’s relationship with her then-girlfriend—the first same-sex relationship I’d ever really experienced up-close—was incredibly toxic.

Witnessing this had it’s own effect on me, but there were other factors: my biological father criticized her for it constantly, implying the relationship itself was wrong, and that the wrongness of it explained the toxic relationship.

A clear picture was being painted for me. I internalized it, and subconsciously came to believe being with a woman was wrong, inappropriate, and difficult.

These beliefs lasted a long time, and guided some of my actions, at least in that they prevented me from exploring in ways that were desirable.

Owning my sexuality in a powerful way—abandoning negative attachments to words like “slut” or what it means to have a certain number of sexual partners—was liberating in so many ways. Being able to enjoy sex and not judge myself for wanting to be with more than one person was a learned practice. As I got better at it, being comfortable with myself in one sexual context allowed me to carry this comfort and confidence to another: my interest in women.

My fantasies about threesomes began to focus more on what it would be like to be with a woman, rather than what it would be like to be one of two women with a man. And so on.

By 2017, I was at a place in my life where I was actively working through childhood trauma, unpacking beliefs I had, and learning let go of an image that society wanted me to be.

All of which led me to meeting and creating absolutely beautiful friendships. I was surrounded by people who supported me, accepted me, and made me feel comfortable with exploring this piece of my sexuality.

From there, it was a matter of time before I was not only accepting of my interest in women, but ready to explore.

Through Instagram, I connected with someone, a man whose work I’d admired for years. To put it bluntly: I slid into his DMs. We developed a (mostly) professional dialogue, and when the opportunity presented itself to go to a seminar he was speaking at in NYC, I jumped at the chance.

Before I booked my flight, he said that he wanted to be clear and that he was enjoying developing our friendship, but currently had no desires or expectations beyond that. I’d had a crush on him for years, but agreed that keeping it professional was best.

At this point, he revealed two things to me: firstly, that he had a partner with whom he was completely in love; and secondly, that they were polyamorous and the relationship was open.

My weekend in New York was amazing. They were kind and generous, we had fun and built a strong connection.

For the next few months, I visited them and learned more about their relationship, about polyamory, and about sexuality.

The woman in the relationship, was (is) amazing in every way. My crush on her was instant. By the time I met her she was openly bisexual, but it turned out that she’d had an upbringing very similar to my own. The Catholicism, coupled with having been raised in the south, led her to shut off or ignore her desires. For a long while, she felt intense discomfort with the idea of exploring with women. And because we related on that level it made it even easier for me. I felt like it was okay that I had all these feelings, like I wasn’t the only one who went through this and dealt with this.

Shortly after meeting these two, things ended with the person I’d been dating. The rest is reasonably predictable: the attraction between us had grown, as had the comfort, and I had my first sexual experience with a woman and my first threesome in the same evening.

That woman became my girlfriend and that man became my boyfriend. And I learned more about myself in that relationship than I ever thought possible.

I interpret my sexual identity as bisexual, but I’m aware that may expand to something else as I continue to explore myself. And where that once would have filled me with fear and shame, now there is only excitement and curiosity.

I want to end this by letting any of you who are struggling with their sexual identity: it’s okay that it’s scary and uncomfortable and troubling. But you are not alone and there is a community of people out there who are willing to help you work through it.

XX

Devi