self acceptance

Why Are We Embarrassed?

Has it ever occurred to you how silly it is that we get embarrassed about our bodies doing things that every single body does?

Embarrassed about aging. Saggy boobs. Wrinkles. Grey hair. Uneven skin tone. Acne. Scars. Fat. Cellulite. Stretch marks.

Embarrassed about bodily functions and all the inner workings of our body. Embarrassed to pass gas, have boogers, burp, bloat, queef.

Embarrassed about pubic hair, only then to be embarrassed about the razor burn from cutting the pubic hair.

Embarrassed to have sex because our partner can see all our “imperfections.”

As if none of it’s natural, or normal, or supposed to happen. As if no one else experiences it, except you.

Don’t let this perfectly curated and heavily photoshopped Instagram era make you forget how normal you are 😘 #malleable #onlyhuman

xx

Devi

Loving Yourself is Hard

“Just love yourself,” they say (🧐). As if it was easy. As if you could undo and reprogram everything you’ve been taught—from the beginning—with a flip of switch. As if you could rewrite the script you’ve been rehearsing for years, and memorize an entirely new narrative overnight.

“Aha. You’re so right. Why didn’t I ever think of that?! Let me just looveeee myself.”

LOL.

This notion floating around that repeating positive affirmations and relinquishing people’s opinions will fix all your problems, IS the problem.

Don’t get me wrong, these are effective tools that put you in an advantageous position and they’re part of the puzzle piece. But, it’s far more than just saying words and releasing the need for external validation.

While there is good intent behind this messaging, it can be extremely crippling and harmful to those learning how to love themselves.

Because what happens is you’ll look in the mirror, repeat the affirmation, and think, “Why isn’t this fucking working? How come everyone on Instagram loves themselves by saying this and it doesn’t do anything for me.”

All it did was perpetuate more judgement, more self-criticism, and made you feel even worse.

As much as I wish it was an overly simplistic process; that you could just tell yourself you ‘love yourself,’ and then all of your insecurities, fears, bruises, and problems evaporate.

It just doesn’t work that way.

I want you to know that wherever you are right now and however you feel, you are perfectly okay. You’re exactly where you need to be.

AND you can take ONE step forward in the direction you’re longing for.

Maybe it’s reading a book, hiring a body image coach, going to therapy, moving your body consistently, eating a vegetable, working with me (🤪). Whatever makes YOU feel 1% better.

It’s your process, boo. Don’t let this skewed version of self love make you think it’s supposed to be seamless and quick and constantly full of light. It’s not.

Hang in there. I know it’s tough. But, I believe in you and I’m here to help you, if you need. 🖤 Luuuh you.

Devi

Give Yourself The Love and Attention You Beg From Others

“𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰’𝒎 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖.” Words you so frequently say to others, but fail to say to yourself.

You sit there in the dark. Forgotten. Neglected. Abandon. Willing showing up for others, but never for yourself. You’re so out of touch with you that you’re lost. And you expect someone else to find you, to provide for you, to fill what is hollow:

You’re in search of someone to give you:
𝙰𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗.
𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎.
𝚂𝚎𝚡.
𝚀𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎.
𝙰𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜.

You tell them: 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦; 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦; 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘮𝘦, 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘦, 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘦; 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦; 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨.

You put the responsibility on others to take care of you, to love you, to supply your needs. And as a result, you become so distant from yourself, so far from seeing your worth, and come to a place that lacks fulfillment.

Your cup will remain empty, until you choose to fill it on your own. Darling, please heed my words: it is your responsibility. To fill those voids, to take initiative, and to give yourself the boundless love placed in your heart. You can and you should give yourself what you’re so desperately craving. The orgasmic sex, the appreciation, the gentle words, the date night, the roses, the nourishment and the nurturing. All of it.

Your love is yours to give yourself. You are your responsibility—no one else’s. And when you fill up your own cup, others will only add and love will overflow.

Fill up your cup today, boo. Today and every day.

xx

Devi

Taking Control of Your Inner Mean Girl

You know the voice in your head who habitually berates you and catalyzes a stream of negative thinking? The voice who feeds you poisonous thoughts, like:

𝚈𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚎𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑.
𝚈𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚎𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑.
𝚈𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜.
𝚈𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚏 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎.
𝙴𝚠. 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞.
𝙽𝚘𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞.

That’s your inner mean girl. She’s hostile and apathetic and controlling. She loves to make you feel small and create upheaval, because that’s when she’s most powerful. She doesn’t want to see you happy; she wants to see you sit in misery. And she’s been pretty successful at putting you in that seat.

All she has to do is get loud enough and fill your head with noise so you become completely incapable of blissful thinking.

Baby girl, it’s time to put her in her seat. I want you to stand up for yourself and tell her to shut the fuck up. You don’t have to listen to her or let her words constrict you. You can stand your ground, instead of allowing her to push you down the cascade of self-sabotaging thoughts.

You are not the things she tells you. Reclaim your power and come back to center. Breathe. You are not your thoughts. You are you. You are life. And you are light.

Anytime she tries to re-enter your life (and she will), tune her out and come back to your breath. Return to the infinite power of the truth and the present moment.

xx

Devi

The Truth About Confidence

Let’s dispel the myth that’s floating around about confidence 🧙‍♀️

Society has conditioned us to believe confidence comes externally. That it’s defined by our successes, the money in our bank accounts, our appearance, and how popular we are.

Regina George is a perfect example of why this is morbidly untrue. She portrays the perceived image of perfection: dresses to the nines, hair is well-groomed, makeup is flawless, comes from a wealthy family, everyone likes her, wants to be her.

BUT.

It’s all a facade—an illusion covering up what’s really bubbling below the surface. We all know she’s struggling internally; she constantly needs validation from others and she feels like she has to be perfect to be worthy...to be enough.

So while she has the money, the looks, the popularity...all the things that supposedly are believed to give you confidence—we see throughout the movie, she’s crumbling from within. The minute she doesn’t have validation or falls short from perfection, confidence is stripped right away from her.

This is the reason we have such a difficult time actualizing confidence. We’re chasing after all these external things and complying to the fallacy that in order to feel confident, you have to be perfect and look perfect.

Heed my words, darlings, because I’m about to reveal veracities that could dramatically shift your life:

  • Confidence isn’t created externally, it’s created internally.

  • Confidence isn’t about being perfect, it’s accepting you’re imperfect and making friends with those imperfections.

Confidence is kinda about...being comfortable with how wonderful you’re not (🤷‍♀️). It’s being okay with knowing you’re wrong sometimes. That you’re flawed. Awkward. Strange. Weird.

We think confident people can’t be insecure, painfully shy, or anxious. They can’t stutter, choke up, or say stupid shit. They can’t have cellulite or stretch marks or excess fat. In reality, confident people are okay with being all of that.

Sheer confidence is about how YOU feel about yourself internally and independently of anyone else. It’s owning the fuck out of who you are, including the things that make you a fucking human (🎤🤯).

xx

Devi

Can You Love Your Body and Still Want to Change it?

You can accept your body right now and still want to make changes to it. These two are not mutually exclusive. As a matter of fact, if both are applied simultaneously magic happens.

When you operate from a place of self-acceptance and self-compassion, changing your body becomes easier than ever, because you take care of what you love.

The misconceived notion that self-acceptance and self-love equates to laziness or stagnation is a silly concept. Neglecting your health and the myriad of other things that embody self-care is not a reflection of love.

When you love your body, you treat it with the upmost care and respect. This encompasses both speaking kindly to yourself and doing the very things that nourish it—working out, eating healthy, getting proper sleep—that whole thing.

So yes, it’s okay to want change, there’s just a fine line between where the desire to change is derived from.

If you want to change your body because you think being leaner will somehow make you more worthy of love, success, connection, confidence, and belonging—that’s a massive problem, because it’s morbidly untrue.

But when you want to change your body to improve the quality of your life OR simply because you fucking want to (hello autonomy) it’s a completely different story.

Hating your body lean doesn’t work, or at least never ends in a happy fairy tale. Cut that shit out and watch how much easier it is to make those desired alterations.

xx

Devi

Why You Shouldn't Compare Yourself

𝖧𝖨𝖦𝖧𝖫𝖨𝖦𝖧𝖳 𝖱𝖤𝖤𝖫 ➡️ 𝖡𝖤𝖧𝖨𝖭𝖣 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖲𝖢𝖤𝖭𝖤𝖲

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Social media captures only a glimpse of what someone is willing to show you, but completely abandons everything else. You don’t get to see what goes on behind closed doors.

You get to see:
A perfect life.
A perfect body.
A perfect partner.

You don’t get to see:
The disarray.
The insecurities.
The arguments.

Blemishes are concealed. And while people are completely entitled to their privacy and under no obligation to disclose the messiness of their life—it’s so easy to forget that THAT does go on.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in believing someone actually lives a perfect life when all you see is perfectionism.

And this is why self confidence feels beyond your reach—you surrender to something that doesn’t exist. As a result, you’re robbed from your confidence and your worth because you’ll always be imperfect.

But, my darling, those imperfections don’t define you—they just make you human, like the rest of us.

No one, absolutely NO ONE, has their shit together. Your life, my life, her life. It’s completely chaotic, disorganized, and flawed—even though you don’t see it.

So, be conscious of what you’re consuming. Question the realness of it. And don’t compare yourself to people’s filtered lives...or at all.

Keep doing your thang, keep doing your best. Radiate in your beauty—it’s pretty bright, you’re pretty bright and your flaws don’t dim that light.

Love,

Devi

Three Ways to Practice Body Acceptance

Do I love my stretch marks and cellulite? No, I don’t love them—I also don’t hate them. I just accept them and I’m okay with the fact that they’re there.

Self love and body acceptance doesn't exactly mean loving every single part of your body. And this might catch you by surprise because it seems to go against everything that love and acceptance stands for—but it’s not.

It’s not about learning to love and romanticize over something you don’t like. It’s about normalizing it, accepting it for what it is and not letting it define you.

Instead of trying to “love” something you don’t love, try this instead:

1. Bring awareness to it without judging it or linking it to a negative meaning. If you see cellulite, call it for what it is, rather than saying something like: gross, disgusting, ugly. Keep it at cellulite without the self sabotaging story attached to it.

2. Normalize it and accept it for what it is. Remind yourself that rolls, folds, and dimples are just normal things that your body creates.

3. Don’t attach it to your worth. It doesn’t deem you as unworthy and it doesn’t represent your beauty. These things are apart of your body, but they certainly don’t define it.



For more tools on body acceptance, click here to take my FREE body confidence course.

Love,

Devi

Coming Out As BiSexual - Becca's Story

Just like any other day, I was mindlessly swiping through Bumble, except on this particularly day, someone caught my attention. A beautiful soul named Becca had sent me a message and I was immediately drawn to her - not just because she's beautiful, but because of the conversation we exchanged. We talked about bisexuality, polyamory, and non-monogamy - all things I was new or open to exploring and it felt great to discuss it with someone who shared common ground.

Exploring your sexuality can be absolutely fucking terrifying.  I want to do my part by bringing more awareness in hope that it can help others experience ease and comfort through their exploration.

I am thrilled to put the spotlight on Becca today as she shares her truth and story about coming out as bisexual.

 

When did you realize you were sexually attracted to women?

I realized I was attracted to women around my freshman year of high school. I can’t remember how it occurred to me or if I saw a particular woman that made that part of me “click," but I know it didn’t happen until I was about 15 years old.

 

Was it hard to come out?

It has not been super difficult with those I opened up to, but I won’t lie, not everyone knows yet - including both of my parents.

I recently wrote a blog post talking about my sexual orientation and "coming out" because I felt it was easier to write than it was to put in words. And despite the fact that most of my family members are still kept in the dark, I willing shared the post to Facebook. Right when I posted it, I couldn't help but hide the post from my parents. Part of me realizes that their opinion does not matter and I also don't even think they would be upset...but I just have not felt ready to address it with them yet, and you know what? That's okay.

 

Have you faced any negative judgement? If so, how did it make you feel and how did you handle it?

Fortunately, I haven’t faced much scrutiny. I think part of that has to do with the fact that I've always had boyfriends and haven't publicly been with women.

But, a frequent thing I hear is that bisexuals are merely "fetishizing" the same sex, and that we don't actually find ourselves romantically interested in them - this really bothers me.

If you date a woman, you are lesbian. If you date a man, you are straight. People want black and white answers and they have a hard time understanding that you can be bisexual while just dating a man or just dating a women.

It is frustrating when someone tries to tell you that your feelings are wrong and certainly isn't fair because no one has the right to take your feelings away from you. No one can tell you how you feel - only you know how you feel. And in my own experience, I have been sexually and romantically interested in both genders. Sometimes it's just one of those feelings and sometimes it's both. It changes, but it's never wrong.

 

Do you identify as bisexual?

I do identify as bisexual. For the longest time, I told myself there wasn’t enough evidence nor did I have enough experience to say that I was. But, I have since grown to understand that there is no specific definition I need to follow. I like men and I like women, regardless of who I’ve been with and who I am with now.

 

Knowing that you are engaged, how does your fiance feel about you exploring your sexuality with women?

He has been very supportive of my exploration in women. I told him from the beginning that it was something I was interested in and he was completely open to the idea of letting me experience that. The reason this is entirely possible is because we have a great communication skills with each other. We communicate our needs,  yet set clear boundaries so that we both feel safe in the relationship.

 

Have you always felt confident in your sexuality? If not, how did you get there?

It’s been a process, but in the last few months, I have become more accepting and comfortable with owning my sexuality. I realized that it is just as factual as the color of my hair. It’s not an extension of me - this mega-secret that no one should know. It’s just a factual piece of information. I have green eyes. I love wine. I sleep a lot. I like women and I like men, too. That's it - there is no hidden or negative meaning behind it.

 

What is one thing you have done that has helped you feel more confident in your body during intimate moments with your partner?

Intimacy has always been a struggling of mine, but there have been a few things I've put into practice that has allowed things to flow easier for me.

The first being that I prefer encounters start slower rather than rushed. I like to feel physically connected not only with my partner but with myself.

The second being that I feel sexiest if I am fresh and moisturized while wearing my silk robe. I also find that aroma therapy with scents of rose petals and lavender helps get me in the mood.

The last is that I feel most confident if I am direct and honest with my wants and needs.

 

What advice would you give to someone who is curious, but feels shameful about exploring their sexuality?

I say just go for it. If you want to try it, try it! With that said, I think it's important to factor in two major things:

The first, it's still sex so practice safe sex. The second, when you are figuring out your sexuality, feelings can still get hurt.

It is always important to remember that no matter what you’re doing or who you’re doing it with, it is crucial to be open and honest so that clear intentions are set. Be upfront and be truthful - even when it's difficult. But most importantly, have some fucking fun.


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Becca is a 23 year old from Columbus, OH. She has always had an interest in psychology, especially with adolescence.

When she isn’t watching a crime series, you can find her singing around the kitchen cooking dinner and online shopping. Becca enjoys wine nights, makeup, and time to cuddle with her kitten.

Instagram: @labeeuhtriixx

Blog: https://wordsthoughtsstuff.wordpress.com/

Are Negative Thoughts Normal?

Do you feel like when you’re wearing a bikini, your insecurities tend to cloud over you? Your thoughts are preoccupied with how you look rather than how much fun you’re having (or could be having)? You think things like...

 “I look gross”
“Her body is better than mine”
“I don’t want to take my clothes off”

What if I told you that all these thoughts are harmless? And they don’t have to hold power over you?

What most “self love gurus” don’t tell you is that negative thoughts will come up—and that’s okay.

A thought is just thought; you will have weird ones, silly ones, positive ones, uncomfortable ones, and negative ones.

But these thoughts will only affect you when you get lost in them—when you attach yourself to the story and believe it as true.

But, you are not your thoughts. Don’t latch on to them, don’t let them control you and don’t let them take momentum.

You deserve to frolic around in your bikini without a single concern about your appearance, because your body is not wrong. There is absolutely nothing to worry about.

Drink your marg out of a red solo cup (because glass in water is dangerous - duh) and lounge around on inflatable tubes.

Have fun, relax, and stop giving fucks about things that aren’t worth giving a fuck about.

XX

Devi


Do you want more body confidence tips? Click here to join my FREE body confidence course.