Mindset // Mental Health

Question Everything

Have you ever taken the time to question your beliefs? To ask where they come from? Why *you* believe them? Why you judge, reject, and resist anything that counteracts those beliefs? If those beliefs are serving you? And if they’re really even yours to begin with?

Last night over dinner, my friend and I talked about the myriad of ways one can view relationships, politics, sex, body image, and religion.

That the ideas, beliefs, and stories we hold—especially the ones from our earliest years—were given to us; some were even pushed and forced on us. By the culture we’re born into, by our caretakers, by our ancestors, by our teachers, by our friends, by the people we follow on Instagram, by the books we read and the shows we watch.

Many of us never truly acknowledge that. We just believe the things we’ve been told without exploration.

And in a lot of ways that can hurt us. It can lead to unhappiness, insecurity, suffering, closeting, and even, our demise.

To speak from my own experience, I grew up in a religious and conservative household. I was told I needed to go to college to be successful. That having sex with multiple people was a sin. That I shouldn’t cry. That identifying with anything other than straight is wrong and weird. That my worth is placed in my appearance. That I should put others first.

For a awhile, I believed them, I lived then, followed them, and I did—unfortunately—defend them.

And that was before I took the time to unpack them, to realize they’re not mine—they’re someone else’s.

And now those are all beliefs I no longer hold.

I wouldn’t be this sex-positive, body-positive, bisexual, spiritual, monogamish, emotional, ethical slut who puts herself first, if I didn’t take the time to question my own beliefs.

And I can’t stress enough the importance of that for you, too.

To sort through it all—the beliefs about your body, your worth, your religion, your political stance, your insecurities...hell, even your music preferences.

I’m not here to tell you what’s right or what’s wrong, but to remind you to question everything—including and especially the things I say.

To tell you that you get to choose.

Why Are We Embarrassed?

Has it ever occurred to you how silly it is that we get embarrassed about our bodies doing things that every single body does?

Embarrassed about aging. Saggy boobs. Wrinkles. Grey hair. Uneven skin tone. Acne. Scars. Fat. Cellulite. Stretch marks.

Embarrassed about bodily functions and all the inner workings of our body. Embarrassed to pass gas, have boogers, burp, bloat, queef.

Embarrassed about pubic hair, only then to be embarrassed about the razor burn from cutting the pubic hair.

Embarrassed to have sex because our partner can see all our “imperfections.”

As if none of it’s natural, or normal, or supposed to happen. As if no one else experiences it, except you.

Don’t let this perfectly curated and heavily photoshopped Instagram era make you forget how normal you are 😘 #malleable #onlyhuman

xx

Devi

F*ck Your Positivity

How many times have you heard the following when you were in the midsts of undesirable situation or an uncomfortable feeling?

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒔𝒆𝒕.
𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇.
𝑩𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆.
𝑩𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍.

Don’t get me wrong, these things 𝘤𝘢𝘯 help.

But, it’s usually not the first solution, especially when you’re so far in it. All these overly optimistic statements are frustrating because it invalidates your pain and someone just slathered simplicity on a complex problem.

And you want nothing more than to tell them and their optimism to fuck all the way off—rightfully so.

You don’t always have to view the world with your rose-colored glasses. You can see things for what they are and accept the fact that the circumstance is undesirable.

There doesn’t have to be a bright side or a positive in everything. It can simply just suck. You can say, “𝖨 𝗁𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌.”

You can complain.
You can cry.
You can panic.
You can scream and stomp your feet and have an outburst of resentment.

You’re feeling your feelings and vocalizing what’s real for you—that’s the healthy thing to do; even when those feelings are full of pain, negativity, and arouse indignation.

Sometimes the answer is to live in the suckage for a day or two and honor it and everything that comes with it.

And only then, when you’ve expressed and released your frustration—it’ll be easier to make that mental shift, or to at least have clarity on what the next solution is to the problem.

The No-Bra Movement

After my last #TeamNoBra post, some people either misinterpreted my message or missed the entire point of the post. So, I’d like to expand on that.

The no bra movement isn’t necessarily about not wearing a bra, it’s about asking yourself *why* you’re wearing it.

Most women I’ve talked to don’t want to wear a bra, but feel pressured to for whatever reason they do.

If you have bigger boobs like me, you might feel you need to buy bras to conceal them because showing them is inappropriate, slutty, and means that you’re asking for attention (this one irks me 🙄).

Or, you might have smaller boobs and don’t feel like you’re “womanly” enough so you buy a bra to make them appear larger.

Perhaps, you have one boob that’s bigger than the other and you buy bras to make them look perfectly symmetrical.

Whatever the case may be, it’s just another way of society telling women how they should look and how they should show up and if they don’t, it’s wrong and needs to be fixed.

“Make your boobs perkier...bigger...smaller...
symmetrical...conceal your nipples.”

^^ that’s the fucked up part, that’s the part I’m not okay with.

You shouldn’t feel obligated, because it’s your body and you get to make the rules. And you definitely shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed for the way your body looks.

So, I want you to sit with this for a minute or two. Really examine if you feel you need a bra. If you want a bra. If you like a bra. Or if you wanna say, "fuck a bra."

And, again, there's no right answer. Some women love bras. For some women, they really do alleviate some back pain. For others, they feel a bit more comfortable.

None of that is wrong, because it's right for them. But those are all individual cases for individual women who've asked themselves the question and come to their own conclusion to guide their decision. That's the important thing.

That’s all I want you to do. I'm not telling you to burn your bras or toss them out, or to immediately stop buying them. I'm just asking you to take a minute and really think about why you’re wearing it.

xx

Devi


I Refuse to Wear Bras

How many times have you said, “I can’t wait to get home and take this bra off?” 🙋‍♀️.

In October of 2017, after a decade of struggling with bras and actively hating a piece of my daily wardrobe, I finally decided: Fuck it. I’m done complaining, I’m not putting this thing on anymore.

And let me tell you: I haven't looked back once.

Truthfully, I think bras are a hassle; buying one is a chore and wearing one is uncomfortable. And in my opinion, there is no such thing as a comfortable bra—they're restricting and I don’t like the way they hug my around my rib cage.

Besides, bras aren’t designed to your advantage. They were designed to cover up the natural shape of your breasts. To make them appear “larger,” “perkier,” or “symmetrical.” To either minimize or maximize them. And to conceal your nipples.

At the root of it, it’s just another way to make you feel insecure about your body by telling you that your body is wrong and needs to be changed.

And aside from all of that, they offer NO benefit.

According to Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, a researcher at Besançon CHU:

“Medically, physiologically, anatomically – breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity. On the contrary, they get saggier with a bra.” ⠀ “Not wearing a bra will lead to increased collagen production and elasticity, which improves lift in a developing breast.”

Darling, you and I are under no obligation to wear a bra, to cover our nipples, or change the natural shape of our breasts.

Now, to be clear: I’m not saying you "shouldn’t" wear a bra. I'm just telling you that you don’t have to, that you should stand powerfully in your autonomy instead of adhering to a social norm that claims your boobs are "wrong."

Because they aren't.
Every single pair looks different. None of them are wrong, right, better, or worse—they're all just normal.
The size, the shape, the color, the way they hang—normal.

So, the next time you’re about to put on a bra, ask yourself, “Am I doing this for me? Or am I doing this because I feel forced to?”

Because only you get to decide what you put on your body, simply because it’s your body. Capiche?

Battling Depression & Seeking Support

Recently, I experienced depression in a way I’ve never felt before. It was darker, heavier, and emptier than ever.

I’m no stranger to seasonal depression, but this state wasn’t that. It was something entirely different—and for me, far more intense. I didn’t just feel low, I felt empty.

It felt like a dementor came and sucked the life right out of me.

Everything felt unusually challenging. From writing, to using words...to thinking of words. From easy day-to-day tasks, to showing up to things that usually fill me up. From hanging out with friends, to just texting friends.

Even the simple act of moving my body from the bed suddenly wasn’t so simple.

It was all too much and too hard. It was paralyzing and isolating.

The newness of this feeling for me is what made the navigation of it so challenging; I hated that, because I couldn’t help myself and I’m typically really good at processing my emotions on my own.

And the heavier it got, the more I wanted to barricade in my bedroom and hide.

Reaching out didn’t feel like an option. And that was also strange, because I’m not one who shies away from support.

“Fuck. What is this. Why can’t I bring myself to do anything.”

Luckily, in that time, I had people who knew something wasn’t okay.

And it then became clear to me: depression is a feeling that requires support and that’s the hardest thing to ask for when you’re in that closed off space.

You want nothing more than to escape, to hide, and to shut off.

But I want to encourage you to send that text. To say, “Hey, I need support.” “Hey, I need a push.” “Hey, I need comfort.” “Hey, I need loved.”

To ask people to checkin and provide that help when you’re struggling to move from the bed.

You’re not a burden. You’re a human, experiencing an emotion that requires love, support, and connection.

But this post isn’t just for those who experience depression, this post is especially for those who know those who experience depression. Reach out. Checkin in. Consistently. Regularly. Let them know they’re loved and supported.

We’re in this together. We need each other.

Devi

Dear Restrictive Diets

Dear restrictive diets,

It’s not me, it’s you. You’re controlling, demanding, and require too much of my attention.

I did my absolute best to show up and listen to your requirements, but it was never good enough. If I wasn’t perfect, I needed to do better. You failed to acknowledge the improvements I did make, and only focused on what I did wrong.

I’m tired of feeling anxious about constantly trying to be punctilious with your rules and the guilt that comes with it when I’m not.

I’m sick of hearing I’d look better if I lost weight.

I’m done listening to you when it comes to what I can and can’t do. I have a life to live and you can’t be holding me back from experiencing it.

I’m going to listen to my intuition instead of your arbitrary rules. I’m going to live my life in accordance to what empowers me, my body, and my life.

It’s over.
Devi

Whose with me? Show of hands if you’re breaking up with restrictive diets too 🙋‍♀️

If you want to learn a better approach, join my free course: Master Your Mindset for Ultimate Fat Loss. I’ll teach you how to lose body fat without following restrictive protocols AND teach you how to accept your body before you lose a single pound 🖤😘

Five Smart & Healthy Habits to Practice Whenever You go Out for Drinks

Five smart habits to practice whenever you go out for drinks (↓):

>> Before ordering another round, ask yourself: would drinking another glass really enhance the experience or would one more just be superfluous?

>> Hydrate. Drink some water between drinks, and chug a glass (or two) before bed. It’ll help prevent those insufferable hangovers 🤪.

>> Before giving that impulsive “yes” when someone says, “let’s take shots!” ask yourself if YOU actually want a shot.

You’re under no obligation to say yes, even when someone offers...even when all your friends are taking shots. You don’t have to conform or give into social pressure.

This is a perfect opportunity for you to practice declaring healthy boundaries.

>> Pace yourself. Drink 𝘴𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳.

>> If you want to go out to socialize—without drinking—give yourself permission to do so. You don’t need to drink a single drop to go out. I do it all the time and still have just as much fun.

The overarching theme: be mindful and intentional about your choices, boo. You body and your wallet will thank you.

Cheers to that.

Love your favorite oenophile,

Devi

The Real Cause for Emotional Eating

Emotional eating has less to do with control, and has more to do with learning to process emotions.

For many, it’s the inability to allow ourselves to feel difficult emotions.

We’ve been conditioned to avoid pain. That if you’re experiencing some sort of disharmony—you need to ignore it, suppress it, and cover it up.

And so we adapt maladaptive coping mechanisms—food, drugs, alcohol, sex—anything that will numb what’s going on inside of us.

But these coping mechanisms don’t solve anything; they only distract us momentarily and temporarily, and then usually exacerbate everything and manifest into something bigger later on.

For example: in the case of emotional eating, you use food to numb, but after eating your feelings, your problem still exists, as do your emotions. And now, on top of that, you feel guilty and uncomfortable from eating too much.

Relate?

Part of disrupting this pattern and breaking up with this behavior is allowing yourself to lean into your emotions. To process them. To understand them. To feel them.

And sometimes feeling is uncomfortable.

AND THAT’S OKAY.

You’re allowed to feel hurt, insecure, sad, lonely, heartbroken, depressed, anxious, afraid, helpless, overwhelmed, nervous, jealous.

Bring awareness to what you’re feeling, without judgement attached.

Whatever’s coming up for you is valid, allowed to be seen, and just wants to be heard because it has something to tell you.

Your emotions are your friends. Even, when it hurts. They want to protect you. And the more you suppress them, the more they persist, because you’re ignoring what it desperately what’s you to know.

So, identify what the emotion is telling you and what the need is: comfort, security, love, connection, care, support, just space to breathe. And then address how you can fill those needs.

When you acknowledge what’s below the surface and allow it to move through, the discomfort eventually dissipates. Feel your feelings, boo—only then will you experience true liberation from it.

I’ll share more on this topic in a future post 🖤

Overcoming an Eating Disorder & Body Dysmorphia

It’s been a little over two years since I severely suffered from an eating disorder and body dysmorphia. And fuck. That struggle was life shattering in all the ways something can be, because it affected so many areas of my life.

Hating my body started in my earliest days, too. And the more and more I became aware of my body, the more and more that feeling intensified.

There were so many factors that lead into this. To start, I watched other women in my life obsess over their bodies and listened to them shame themselves for not being small enough.

That had it’s own effect and in a way programmed me to believe that was normal behavior.

Mixed with that, there was (still is) social pressure to look a certain way; constantly inundated with images and messages on how you should look. You’re spoon fed the idea that if you want to be loved, popular, successful, celebrated, happy...you MUST live up to these flawless expectations.

And I tried and I never achieved it, because it’s impossible. Because perfection doesn’t exist. Because what you see is distorted and photoshopped.

But, at the time, I didn’t have that awareness, so I grew to hate my body even more. And that hate and obsession is what catalyzed my eating disorder.

This a huge epidemic so many face, and it’s no surprise as to why. We’re taught how to hate ourselves. To berate ourselves, judge ourselves, be hard on ourselves, and constantly change ourselves.

Instead of being taught to accept, while striving to be the best version of ourselves—in a compassionate and loving way.

Once I realized that for myself, I had to spend time digging, unpacking, and relearning years of conditioning. And anyone who says that process is easy, they’re lying to you. It’s not. Loving yourself is hard because you’re told day in and day out not to.

I want to remind you not to hate yourself FOR hating yourself, because it isn’t your fault. To practice being gentler with yourself a little more everyday. To practice replacing hate with something neutral, as opposed to jumping right into something positive. To practice, even when resistance comes in. To practice, because you deserve it. Because you’re worth it.

xx

Devi