body acceptance

Loving Yourself is Hard

“Just love yourself,” they say (🧐). As if it was easy. As if you could undo and reprogram everything you’ve been taught—from the beginning—with a flip of switch. As if you could rewrite the script you’ve been rehearsing for years, and memorize an entirely new narrative overnight.

“Aha. You’re so right. Why didn’t I ever think of that?! Let me just looveeee myself.”

LOL.

This notion floating around that repeating positive affirmations and relinquishing people’s opinions will fix all your problems, IS the problem.

Don’t get me wrong, these are effective tools that put you in an advantageous position and they’re part of the puzzle piece. But, it’s far more than just saying words and releasing the need for external validation.

While there is good intent behind this messaging, it can be extremely crippling and harmful to those learning how to love themselves.

Because what happens is you’ll look in the mirror, repeat the affirmation, and think, “Why isn’t this fucking working? How come everyone on Instagram loves themselves by saying this and it doesn’t do anything for me.”

All it did was perpetuate more judgement, more self-criticism, and made you feel even worse.

As much as I wish it was an overly simplistic process; that you could just tell yourself you ‘love yourself,’ and then all of your insecurities, fears, bruises, and problems evaporate.

It just doesn’t work that way.

I want you to know that wherever you are right now and however you feel, you are perfectly okay. You’re exactly where you need to be.

AND you can take ONE step forward in the direction you’re longing for.

Maybe it’s reading a book, hiring a body image coach, going to therapy, moving your body consistently, eating a vegetable, working with me (🤪). Whatever makes YOU feel 1% better.

It’s your process, boo. Don’t let this skewed version of self love make you think it’s supposed to be seamless and quick and constantly full of light. It’s not.

Hang in there. I know it’s tough. But, I believe in you and I’m here to help you, if you need. 🖤 Luuuh you.

Devi

Sex With The Lights On - Podcast Interview with Marie Wold

In this podcast with Marie Wold on The Grind & Be Grateful Podcast, I dive into the reasons women feel insecure in their bodies and how to overcome it. I get deep about body image, sex, and personal experiences I’ve had. Tune in to hear my story and learn tools on how to feel more confident in your body and in the bedroom.

Website: https://www.grindandbegratefulpodcast.com/

Marie’s Instagram: @MarieeWold

SHOW NOTES:

  • Who is Devon Day? (7:57)

  • Idolizing unrealistic body types (9:30)

  • Food as a form of fuel and nourishment (12:10)

  • Empowering yourself with your experiences (13:37)

  • What’s keeping us trapped in our lack of confidence and self-acceptance (14:55)

  • The stories we tell ourselves (15:25)

  • Bringing awareness to self-limiting and self-sabotaging beliefs (15:40)

  • “You don’t have to take these stories to heart, and you don’t have to let them hold power over you” … “You have the power to re-write the script” (17:05)

  • Thoughts are just thoughts (17:46)

  • “Find where your insecurity is coming from, unpack the belief, and shift the narrative” (20:20)

  • “How boring would it be if we all looked the same?” (21:50)

  • “Nobody laughs the same as us, or smiles the same as us…” (22:09)

  • The Jealousy Cycle / Comparison Game  (23:10)

  • The difference between admiration and jealousy (24:10)

  • Sex With the Lights On (25:17)

  • “So many of us let our insecurities be our identity; you have insecurities, but you aren’t your insecurities” (26:55)

  • “We are conditioned to feel insecure about our insecurities” (28:16)

  • Porn – why we should NOT use it as a too to learn about sex  (30:25)

  • Let’s Talk about sex (32:55)

  • “We all have that inner mean girl…” (33:10)

  • Normalizing our bodies (34:10)

  • Silencing the noise; – being aware of our thoughts through meditation (34:40)

  • Roles – addressing and challenging stereotypes (36:55)

  • Communicating with our partners (38:10)

  • “Vulnerability helps us connect with people even deeper…”

  • Directing and validating others (40:38)

  • Vulnerability gets easier over time (42:36)

  • “Sex doesn’t always flow so seamlessly” (44:48)

  • Where to find Devon’s Guide, Sex With the Lights On (45:45)

  • One thing Devon is currently grinding for & grateful for (46:20)

Three Ways to Practice Body Acceptance

Do I love my stretch marks and cellulite? No, I don’t love them—I also don’t hate them. I just accept them and I’m okay with the fact that they’re there.

Self love and body acceptance doesn't exactly mean loving every single part of your body. And this might catch you by surprise because it seems to go against everything that love and acceptance stands for—but it’s not.

It’s not about learning to love and romanticize over something you don’t like. It’s about normalizing it, accepting it for what it is and not letting it define you.

Instead of trying to “love” something you don’t love, try this instead:

1. Bring awareness to it without judging it or linking it to a negative meaning. If you see cellulite, call it for what it is, rather than saying something like: gross, disgusting, ugly. Keep it at cellulite without the self sabotaging story attached to it.

2. Normalize it and accept it for what it is. Remind yourself that rolls, folds, and dimples are just normal things that your body creates.

3. Don’t attach it to your worth. It doesn’t deem you as unworthy and it doesn’t represent your beauty. These things are apart of your body, but they certainly don’t define it.



For more tools on body acceptance, click here to take my FREE body confidence course.

Love,

Devi

Dear Victoria Secret, Lack of Diversity is a Problem.

I was 15 years old when I became infatuated with the models from the VS Fashion Show.

I wanted to look like them. Be like them.

And so obviously, I did everything I could to achieve my desire. I vividly remember typing into Google, “Adriana Lima’s and Miranda Kerr’s diet and workout routine.”

I followed the plans strictly, and yet it never worked. My body got smaller, but it definitely didn’t morph into a replica of a VS angel.

As a result, I moved into heavier extremes. Dangerous ones even. From eating *just* baby food to eating nothing at all (or at least trying not to).

Again, never actualizing the body I dreamed of no matter how hard I tried. I was frustrated and filled with deep hatred toward myself and my body.

“Why can’t my body just look like them?”

I had no real understanding of anatomy at the time. I couldn’t comprehend no matter how hard I tried, my build and genetic make-up are completely different. And for so long, I thought those differences made me unworthy.

But at the root of it all, while the misunderstanding of anatomy certainly factored in, it was more about the lack of diversity I saw as a young girl. I didn’t see other bodies being celebrated; I only saw one.

If I wanted to be beautiful and worthy—I was conditioned to believe I had to look like an angel. And it saddens me that even to this day, Victoria Secret refuses to diversify the company. You’d think a company that has so much power would want to help change that narrative—not continue to enable it.

While they’re under no obligation to do so, saying the reason not to is because the show is a “fantasy” supports that fucked up narrative. And in a real way, dehumanizes so many of us.

Despite being extremely disappointed in the company, I’m proud to see people vocalize against it and stand together on this.

We’re all worthy of being celebrated. Every size, every shape, every color, every identity.


I love you,

Devi


WANT TO LEARN HOW TO FEEL CONFIDENT IN YOUR BODY AS IT IS? CLICK HERE AND TAKE MY FREE BODY CONFIDENCE CHALLENGE.

I am plus size and still love my body

I am so incredibly honored to have been given the opportunity to interview the fashionista herself, Casey Snow. From her inspiring message to her contagious smile, this girl is truly a light to the world. 

When I started following Casey on Instagram, I was immediately drawn to her exuberant confidence and captivating style. Not only does she take excellent care of her body, but her positive messages about self-love, body love, and living a fearless life make her a killer role model for women everywhere.

I am so excited for you to dive in and learn her perspective on loving your body, exactly as it is. 

So without further ado....  

What inspired you to start talking about body positivity on your social media platform? 

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Since I was little I remember how different I was treated compared to the other kids, at school and even at home. The first time I questioned myself was the day I ran home crying after some kids threw rocks at me and called me names. I was just starting kindergarten. I ran into my mother’s arms and cried. I didn’t understand what I had done wrong. 

I started talking about body positivity because it took me till after high school to realize that I had done nothing wrong. For years I believed I wasn’t worth anything because of other’s disdain for what I looked like. My appearance made me an outsider and all the hate and ignorance made me begin to hate my own body. All I wanted was to be like everyone else and I started tearing myself apart piece by piece until eventually one day I couldn’t take it anymore. I made a choice that would forever change my life and thankfully I am still here, but I don’t want that to be the case for anyone else. 

I never had a community or people I could relate to or talk to and that’s what I want to help build. I want to show others that they aren’t alone and that people’s ignorance doesn’t make them not worth loving because they are worth everything and more. 

How did you get to the place you are now to feel confident and empowered in your skin? 

I went through a lot to get to where I am now and even today, I still struggle. You don’t always need to be strong to be confident, but I think letting go helped. Letting go of expectations and being able to just be myself without the restraints of what people think of me or not. It matters what I think of myself and that I can love who I am for everything that I am, including my body. People find themselves at different times in their lives. It’s never easy, but it is always worth it. 

What does body positive mean to you? 

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Body positivity to me means loving your body for all that it is and goes through. As a plus size woman, it’s about growth and acceptance of a body society deems unacceptable and fighting against that unrealistic expectation. Whether someone weighs more or less, it doesn’t matter because our bodies don’t define us. We do. I want to create a community where we are seen more than for our bodies, but as people worth more because we are more. 

 

 

 

We all have those days where we just feel “blaaahhhhhh” about ourselves. What do you do to bring yourself back to center and feel better about yourself? 

There are definitely days where I feel lost, but then I remember I’m not alone and I don’t have to be. Talking to people is a good way to help relieve that questioning. I am so thankful to be part of an amazing community where there is so many of us who have gone through similar experiences. Don’t ever be afraid or shamed  to reach out for help. Asking for help is one of the strongest things a person can do for themselves. It’s a big step and again, remembering you’re not alone is a comfort worth realizing.

What makes you feel most confident? 

What makes me confident everyday is knowing how far I have come and how many people I can help realize they are worth everything. Having taken me over a decade to realize that myself, I don’t want others to struggle with that as well. They deserve to be happy and to live their lives. Hate and ignorance is nothing worth waiting to be something that doesn’t exist. I want to build the voices of the silenced until we can no longer be ignored.


Get connected with Casey Snow: 

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I highly recommend checking out Casey on Instagram. Rather you need inspiration to spice up your wardrobe or want a reminder of your worth, she is your girl. 

Instagram: @discoveringcasey